TOEFL essay: Some people are very orgainised, while others are not so orgainised

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Hey Allan can you please point out the mistakes I made or the things I could have added in it to make it more appealing?

Some people are very orgainised, while others are not so orgainised. Which type of person are you? Support your oppinion with specifice examples.

Some people are quite orgainised when it comes to deal with daily routines and some are not so orgainised, and I am somewhere in between but more towards orgainised.

I think orgainised people are more successfull as compared to unorgainised people. As being a computer science student I have seen companies dominating others because of their internal orgainised structure and are into busseness while other find it difficult to to even stay at bottom. History shows us that the companies like Microsoft, Oracle, IBM and Apple started from scratch with a building consisting of a single room have grown to hundred's of development centers with thousand's of hardworking employees.

Quaid-e-Azam the father of the nation for the muslims of subcontinent once said that there are 3 things that any nation needs to follow inorder to be successfull
1) Unity
2) Faith
3) Discipline
and later on the same leader was able to get a free land for his people in asia. His actions proved his words.

I think being orgainised does't mean to transform into robot but to schedual the activites in such a way that helps you get most out of what is intended. In my point of view the outcome should not always be important but the hard work which have been put forth to achieve that task is important. I support the idea of being orgainsied weather it's related to a single person or to an orgainisation. It's helps one to reduce the overhead which is almost in every field, from economics to the produciton of micro-chips. That's why most of the software companies spend more than 20% of their development time in defining the structure of the project that is the organization of the project.

Being orgainised is not a new idea or philospy, history tells us that even in past orgainization was adopted by the miltants inorder to save the lives of their soldiers. Neopolian lost a war just because of the reason that one of his major miltunt was arrived at the battle field only few minutes late.

So because of so many advantages for one person or for an orgainization, I think organized body is like an atomic body which defines constraints that have to be forced inorder to get desired results.