TOEFL essay: Should a factory be built in your community?

[Vuralorion]

Hi. Please evaluate my essay. Thanks.

Should a factory be built in your community?

A new factory brings economic advantages to the town where it is located. Through a new factory, new employment oppurtunities are introduced and it conrtributes to the overall wealth and welfare. However I think that this virtue of setting up a new factory is overshadowed by several drawbacks related to environmental issues. Since I give more importance to environment and community that I live in rather than economic development, opennig up new factories does not seem as an appropriate idea to me.

Primary handicap of building a new factory around my habitat is the pollution that it creates. Industries, particularly heavy and dirty ones, damage the surrounding environment in many ways. Most importantly, remnants and wastes of production are canalized to rivers or sea which people then use as a source of water and income through fishing. The other environmental problem caused factories and industries is that building a new factory needs clear and open land which is achieved by cutting off trees and other plants around the construction side. Without trees and plants, envrionment is not able to recover itself and produce indispensable minerals and elements for the human life, such as oxygen.

Second handicap is the high volume of traffic. A new factory requires trucks and long vehicles in order to transport the produced goods to other cities and markets. With more vehicles in the traffic, people meet more accidents and commute time is now longer than before. So, people suffer psychologically as well.

In conclusion, openning up a new factory around my living place is not something that I would support because of its vital disadvantages based on environmental and transportation issues. A new factory means more water and air pollution plus a higher volume of traffic in the town.

[Alan]

Hi,

A new factory brings economic advantages to the town where it is located. Through a new factory, new employment oppurtunities are introduced and it conrtributes to the overall wealth and welfare. However I think that this/THE virtue/VALUE of setting up a new factory is overshadowed by several drawbacks related to environmental issues. Since I give/ATTACH more importance to THE environment and community that I live in rather than economic development, OPENING up new factories does not seem an appropriate idea to me.

THE Primary handicap of building a new factory around my habitat is the pollution that it creates. Industries, particularly heavy and dirty ones, damage the surrounding environment in many ways. Most importantly, remnants and waste FROM production are canalized to rivers or THE sea which people then use as a source of water and income through fishing. The other environmental problem caused BY factories and industries is that building a new factory needs clear and open land which is achieved by cutting DOWN trees and other plants around the construction siTe. Without trees and plants, THE envrionment is not able to recover itself and produce indispensable minerals and elements for human life, such as oxygen.

THE second handicap is the high volume of traffic. A new factory requires trucks and long vehicles in order to transport the produced goods to other cities and markets. With more vehicles in the traffic, people ENCOUNTER more accidents and commute time is now longer than before. So, people suffer psychologically as well.

In conclusion, openning up a new factory around my living place is not something that I would support because of its vital disadvantages based on environmental and transportation issues. A new factory means more water and air pollution plus a higher volume of traffic in the town.

Well done!

Alan
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English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story A day in the life of a flat hunter

[Vuralorion]

Thanks Alan. I am going to take TOEFL at 9th November. I think I am now better than before at writing. Thanks for your effort and concern