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 Sat Oct 20, 2007 5:55 am Recognising criticism and personal attack: How professional are you? |
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| NinaZara wrote: | | When somebody criticizes you at your workplace, how well do you deal with it? Do you get all defensive and feel personally being attacked? Or are you able of being unattached to any feelings at all and take it with a clear mind? |
I think a lot of that depends on how the person is attacking me, and how much power she has over me, or doesn't, and how much support I have from other people. It also depends on whether I'm attacked for something I really did wrong, or for something completely fabricated.
I used to get attacked regularly by a guy who had a Napoleon complex and started fights just to see people rally behind him even when he was wrong. I didn't care about that, because I knew it wasn't really personal and that it would be all over in a few minutes.
However, at one company a woman falsely accused me of sexual harassing her, and I took that very seriously, because it in the US that has very serious career consequences. I was lucky in the end, because the woman was so irrational that she'd forgotten another woman had been in the office when it all supposedly happened. This second woman explained to the HR department that the story was all completely made up. Apparently the woman was angry at me for something I had correctly done in my job but that caused her inconvenience. She couldn't attack me for doing the right thing, so she made up that story. I lost a lot of sleep over that incident before it was over.
| NinaZara wrote: | | But sucking up to bosses, or getting along with drinking buddies are considered being professional (totally a personal opinion, from what I've been observing). |
Those things are not considered professional in better companies.
| NinaZara wrote: | | And a friend who works at an American company, told me that she can put her legs on the boss' desk and swear at him whenever she feels like it. |
Her boss needs to be fired if he can't command the respect of his staff any better than that. She needs to be fired too. I've worked at various American companies where the employees displayed various levels of professionalism, but that behavior would have been considered outrageous even at the worst ones.
| NinaZara wrote: | | And how do we recognize a personal attack when we are being subjected to one? |
The most obvious symptom of a personal attack is that someone is personally attacking you.  |
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Jamie (K)
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| Sat Oct 20, 2007 17:40 pm Recognising criticism and personal attack: How professional are you? |
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I agree with Jamie; professional people stay cool in their jobs. The moment you react vulnerable and you take things on board, you expose a weakness that will work against you. You can either play along and try to swim with the fish somehow, or you should find yourself a new shoal (of fish/workmates) if you think there is too much current or shallowness. Maybe you will find it less hard to become an alpha-fish in a different company. Subservient fawning I find quite repelling, and I'm sure that most great whites don't like it either...Sorry, it seems I'm having a rather fishy day...
As for your friend on her boss' table, are you sure you can believe her story? I'd say that she (or he?) is either having an affair with the boss or is she having you on?
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Ralf
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| Sun Oct 21, 2007 5:34 am Recognising criticism and personal attack: How professional are you? |
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| Jamie (K) wrote: | | NinaZara wrote: | | But sucking up to bosses, or getting along with drinking buddies are considered being professional (totally a personal opinion, from what I've been observing). |
Those things are not considered professional in better companies. |
It's hard to tell. I won't jump to that kind of conclusion. It's more to sticking to culture than being professional. I don't know whether you have heard of this before, but in Japan, the seniority concept is very strong. That is why all newbies like me can't say anything when 'adults' are talking. At the same time, I can see that this is changing, most companies no longer base promotion or increment on how senior you are, but on your performance.
But! No matter how, I can still see the concept of seniority still plays a big role, especially in language. My senior would not refer to me as "anata", a neutral or more respectful way of saying "you" but they always use the word "omae" which brings the meaning "you are lower than me".
| Jamie (K) wrote: | | NinaZara wrote: | | And a friend who works at an American company, told me that she can put her legs on the boss' desk and swear at him whenever she feels like it. |
Her boss needs to be fired if he can't command the respect of his staff any better than that. She needs to be fired too. I've worked at various American companies where the employees displayed various levels of professionalism, but that behavior would have been considered outrageous even at the worst ones. |
Are you sure? Well maybe this exhibition is common in American company in Malaysia but not in the U.S? Or maybe there is a difference between professionalism between engineers and non-engineers? For your information, not only they put legs on table, they use the f-word mostly for everything. They work in a highly stressful environment, good attitude has nothing to do with how you can deliver or perform. If you are not up to a certain expectation, then only you will be fired.
I can understand because we both belong to the same department in each company(process and production), she told me it only takes them 2 weeks or less to startup a production line that took us 6 months to do! So, maybe swearing or acting up like that is one of the ways to deal with stress or maybe every body thinks that when you work very hard, sacrifice your time with friends and family, and your boss make some wrong or stupid decission, it's only natural to shout or swear at him. I don't know.
They are good at what they do, I'd give them that, but not so long ago, the company was bought over by another rival.
Like I said, there is no way of telling who is better. In Japanese companies, discipline is very important, I don't think they can survive without discipline. Every company has its own way of delivering. I don't know whether I am saying this out of loyalty, but that is what I see.
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NinaZara
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| Sun Oct 21, 2007 5:46 am Recognising criticism and personal attack: How professional are you? |
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| Ralf wrote: | | As for your friend on her boss' table, are you sure you can believe her story? I'd say that she (or he?) is either having an affair with the boss or is she having you on? |
Oh why Ralf? Is it hard for you to accept girls can put legs on table? And I laughed so hard when you suggest an affair. She is not that sort of a girl. I am not even sure she knows she's a girl.
I don't think she made them up. The company was one of the ones I considered applying but because I wanted to stay in Japan, I didn't. I heard that working there is highly stressful, I have heard that people in the company swear, but her putting her legs on the table was new to me too. I can't blame her for having that level of confidence, I heard that she's very good at her thing. Everybody in the business says so.
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NinaZara
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| Sun Oct 21, 2007 13:54 pm Recognising criticism and personal attack: How professional are you? |
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| NinaZara wrote: | | Ralf wrote: | | As for your friend on her boss' table, are you sure you can believe her story? I'd say that she (or he?) is either having an affair with the boss or is she having you on? |
Oh why Ralf? Is it hard for you to accept girls can put legs on table?[...] I can't blame her for having that level of confidence, I heard that she's very good at her thing. Everybody in the business says so. |
No, it isn't. I would just argue that puttīng your feet on a table is an expression of confidence but of self-consciousness.
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Ralf
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| Sun Oct 21, 2007 13:59 pm Recognising criticism and personal attack: How professional are you? |
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| Ralf wrote: | | NinaZara wrote: | | Ralf wrote: | | As for your friend on her boss' table, are you sure you can believe her story? I'd say that she (or he?) is either having an affair with the boss or is she having you on? |
Oh why Ralf? Is it hard for you to accept girls can put legs on table?[...] I can't blame her for having that level of confidence, I heard that she's very good at her thing. Everybody in the business says so. |
No, it isn't. I would just argue that puttīng your feet on a table is an expression of confidence but of self-consciousness. |
You mean showing off? Well, maybe she was.
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NinaZara
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