Committing suicide

[Tom]

Hi

It may sound a bit personal, but have you ever thought of commiting suicide? Why? Did you find your life very meaningless at some point? How long was the phase?

Tom

[Boke]

Never have, I've had plenty of lows in my life but I always thought that if god hated me the best way to stick it to him was to not give up

I have had 4 or 5 friends commit suicide though

[Ralf]

[Rosalisa]

[Lost_Soul]

I have had occasions when a thought of suiside occured to me but I always got myself back on the track pretty fast, because I realized that things weren't that bad

[Nicholas]

What makes it happen?
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Nicholas

[Boke]

[NinaZara]

Comitting suicide is unthinkable for me. The only one time I paused to answer this question was when I and my friends were discussing an airplane disaster that happened due to a faulty repair.

Well, the person in charge of the maintenance committed suicide.

I mean, can you bear it if you are the one who caused not only one, but hundreds of people dead?

My friend told me that he'll never do it because he loves himself too much. Me, I still don't know. I don't think I can live with myself but I also do not know how to kill myself.

Which is braver do you think? Killing ourselves or facing our failure?

[Ralf]

Hi Tom,

I'd say that Nick Hornby's book "A long way down" is a good read for everyone who is interested in the process of commiting suicide.

In Wim Wender's film "Million Dollar Hotel", there is this character called TomTom who commits suicide at the end of the film by jumping off the hotel roof. When he jumps, there are all kinds of beautiful camera angels and his voice saying "Wow, after I jumped it occurred to me life is perfect, life is the best, full of magic, beauty, opportunity... and television... and surprises, lots of surprises, yeah. And then there's the best stuff of course, better than anything anyone ever made up, 'cause it's real..."
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[Mr.coolbrain]

hi,

I can say who wants to kill himself doesn't worth of living.

Ofcourse,there is no point in living when you're not feeling alive.

But you should know life has all the up's and down's and you should be knowing how to live life happily.

Only a coward can think of committing suicide.we should try to overcome all the obstacles, that is life.

Arun.

[Boke]

I think there is also a cultural aspect to this question, I live in Japan where there is a long tradition of suicides to attain for moral transgressions, family honor, ect..

[Iris]

hi!
yes, i have thought quite a lot in commiting suicide, unfortunately i havent been able to do it. That is, i believe, because probably i know that something better waits for me in the future ... at least when im out of this xyz!ng house. My relationship with my parents have change a lot, I HATE them now, i cant stand them anymore. They treat me as i am a 8 year old kid, im 18! They treat me bad, they call me stupid, useless, weird, idiot. My mother, when i was little, throught me against the walls, grab me by the hair and mop me in the floor, and she once hit me really hard with a shoe on my head. She would do that because i didnt understand my homework. When i cry due to what they say to me, they will be like "Stop crying, u r 18 for God's sake, u should be embarrased, u are a drama queen, everything is drama in you life!". After my graduation ceremony, i lost my cap and father got really mad because of this, i mean, i saw all my friends' parents hugging them and congratulating them and my father was talking shit about me that i lost my cap and that im useless and that in the future nothing awaits for me because im useless because i cant even take care of a cap. He got so mad, that he didnt go to my graduation party. My relationship with my father has also change, because i have stop doing stuff that i did when i was littles, for example, give him a little kiss in the lips, he was really mad when i told him i didnt want to keep doing that, and now he treats me differently. Also, when im trying to defend myself, they shut me up, they never let me express myself. They are always telling me im wrong and dont let me give my points of views.
... I seriously want to end up with this shit... my life really sucks! Im surrounded by hipocrites and fake people who only used others when they are in need of them. I know that by ending with my life, im gonna be better, i just need the streght to do it.

[Meribast]

The reply by Arun has to be the most ignorant answer I've ever heard.

The only humans that have never thought of suicide are so culturally progrmmed against it they are brainwashed or they are not very introspective. Its natural to have the thought at least once in one's life, if you live long enough.

There are some obstacles that cannot be overcome but merely endured. To know that the rest of your life is going to be interminable pain, that you will eventually be unable to move, that every breath will be agony that no one cares about ameliorating. That you will never ever experience a caring caress have someone look in your eyes with love there? That people will treat you like a piece of meat, steal the things that remind you of lost loved ones, but you can do nothing about it?

When it happens to you, you may change your tune.

If you've watched the only love of your life die in your arms and know that you will ever have that love again.

That family will never care for you in the way that you need them to. That every other person you trusted has betrayed you, taken advantage of you, beaten you or raped you?

These are not hypotheticals. They're real life experiences.

I've got not only biologically-based depression which has been present since I can remember. The only thing I can remember from my childhood is terror. In my adolescence, my parents beat me daily, humiliated me and treated my like garbage. The rest of the family knew what was happening but did nothing. My parents were police officers, so nothing was ever done. They kept me isolated, never let me have a friend visit if I was lucky to develop one, I was really mentally and emotionally broken.

To make a long story short, I've managed to do a lot of things most 'normal' people ever could but none of it ever made any lasting difference and everything above has happened or is in the process of happening. I'm losing the ability to walk because my hips are detaching from my spine, my spine is collapsing vertebra by vertebra I have tremendous shooting pains every time I take a deep breath, cough or sneeze, or when my back decides to spasm, which is often. I have pain 24/7 which keeps me from sleeping. Doctors will give me no medication for pain or for the spasming or to stop the cartilage degeneration or anemia.

Yeah, I want to die. There's no point in living. Everything I've done in life means nothing. I won't ever be able to do anything that means anything, to touch somebody's life, to make it better. I will never know love again. For 6 years, I had someone that I trusted, loved me unconditionally and forgave my faults, before she was taken away. That time was a gift that I will never regain.

People say they care, but don't ever bother to visit, won't pick up groceries for me, or even give me a hug.

I've tried to kill myself many times and survived. Except for once, everything got worse. One time, I was given a reason to live: to care for another, with all the love I possess and all the strength in body.

That's all gone.

Should I 'bravely' face my fate? To what point? Because suicide is a sin? What's that matter to the sins of the God that let all this happen? Mine is not a temporary problem.

[Prezbucky]

Yes and no.

The love of my life and I broke up -- I graduated and moved to Chicago and she was still a junior at UW-Madison. It tore me up for months. I lived alone in Chicago, which didn't help: I played (and sang along with, which the neighbors surely enjoyed) all the songs we listened to and sang together. I wrote about 20 songs about her. I made a tape (this was Christmas 1998...) of those songs and sent it to her, along with a book (she enjoyed reading) and some decent earrings. Thankfully she either sent it back or had moved -- I'm over it now and would be embarassed for her to have heard that tape. Some(about six of the 20) were actually decent, but they were all personal and would tell a specific story or frame of mind or struggle we shared.

I can play them now and enjoy them for their musical worth, without bawling while playing and singing them... and obviously they remind me of her... but I laugh at the sad ones and smile along with the happy ones.

But back to the topic, yeah, there were three or four
months there during which I wondered if it'd be easier to just die.

Here are some lyrics from one of the darker songs:

Everyone said that I would be just fine
Although they knew that my heart was torn in two.
"You'll meet more girls, you'll have more fun. You, my friend, are free!"
Well it seems that change is kind... to everyone but me.

Whoa, I sit alone watching the sun explode
And I wonder if it's really gonna end.
The lies you told left me without faith or hope
So I guess.. it's a little relief.

She and I had a great time together and when I went to Chicago it ended against my wishes. It sucked. I still have half of those songs memorized, ready for my MTV Unplugged debut. hehe

Seriously, there's still a bit of the old fantasy that one day she'll hear my music. I figure that as long as we don't release the one named after her, well, I can deny her claims in the tabloids and win the civil suit. hehe
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Billie Jean is not my lover. Hee.

[Diamond]

I'm sure everyone has this thought one time in life. When I was a little girld, I used to be shouted and criticized by my mum whenever I did something wrong, even a little mistake. At that time I cried and cried. I thought that my mum didn't love me, and only my death could make her realize my role in her heart. Fortunately, this thought passed me very quickly when I saw my mum work very hard and busy all the time to bring up us. Sometimes one thinks death could solve his problem, because after that he doesn't have to face up with it any more. However, I think, this sort of person is too selfish! He doesn't think about the consequences he leaves to people who know him and love him! This pain has to take much time to heal! Don't think about the death whenever you have a trouble, even the trouble that you find there is no way to deal with! Bear in mind that there is alway a way to every destination! Admit the fact and stand up again, you will see the light at the end of the path! People who love you will be always by you and support you! Love everyone and love yourself!