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#2 (permalink) Thu Dec 13, 2007 13:52 pm Two words required for certain actions. |
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Hi Tom
Oh, what a lovely topic to wake up to. :lol: It's a good thing I made my coffee strong this morning.
Rather than the word 'hit', you could use 'flog'. I don't know the noun 'hunter' as being synonymous with 'whip'. Where or how did you come up with that word?
Rather than saying that the whip became 'embedded in the body', I think it would be more appropriate to say something such as 'penetrated/shredded the skin'.
Are you writing a story about this? . _________________ "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." ~ Abraham Lincoln |
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Yankee I'm a Communicator ;-)

Joined: 16 Apr 2006 Posts: 8316 Location: USA
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#3 (permalink) Thu Dec 13, 2007 14:05 pm Two words required for certain actions. |
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Hi, Amy To continue contemplating on this horrible sentence, what do you think about this one:
He had a horrible whip with stiff hairs on it. Whenever he hit anyone with that whip, the hairs would get stuck in their bodies and the whip would come off with a lot of flesh |
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Lost_Soul I'm a Communicator ;-)

Joined: 15 Sep 2006 Posts: 1861 Location: South Park, Colorado, USA
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#4 (permalink) Thu Dec 13, 2007 14:38 pm Two words required for certain actions. |
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Hi Alex
To me, the words 'in' and 'bodies' are wrong together in this context. Perhaps "get stuck on their bodies". If you want to use the preposition 'in', then I think you need to use a word such as 'skin'.
Perhaps Tom could also say something such as "bit into their bodies". . _________________ "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." ~ Abraham Lincoln |
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Yankee I'm a Communicator ;-)

Joined: 16 Apr 2006 Posts: 8316 Location: USA
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