TOEFL® essay samples: Actions speak louder than words

[Kiprida]

Dear EnglishRaven,

Can you please review my introduction to this topic?

"I’m working as an Assistant to the Chairman of the Management Board at a bank. One of my job responsibilities is to participate at the management meetings and prepare minutes of them. During meetings managers present their proposals very emotionally and sometimes such kind of presentations affect the decision of the Board and the issue passes. In many cases I observe that those persons who bring the theory of doing something are not successful to perform the task, because action speaks louder than words. That is why I totally agree with this statement. "

Do you think is it too long for an introduction?

Thanks in advance,

~Phoebe
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