| Human activity related to Earth | TOEFLŪ essay: Some students prefer to study alone. |
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 #1 (permalink) Fri Jan 04, 2008 17:42 pm TOEFL essay: Having jobs while you are students |
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TOEFL essay: In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.
Nowadays teenagers are becoming more and more dynamics. While they are still students they actively look for jobs. In my opinion, I strongly support this idea.
First of all, jobs will give students more experience. Especially, if the job is related to what they are studying in school. For example, if a student's major is Economics, he can apply economical rules to real life situations and see whether these rules work or not. Moreover, real situations are much more complicated than simplified ones in the theory taught in school. Therefore, jobs can provide teenagers invaluable things which he can not find in school.
In addition, by working, students can earn money to pay partly or entirely their tuition fee. They can also use this money to buy books and pay for other expenses. To students who their own family budget is just enough, having jobs can help them to overcome financial difficulties.
To sum up, having jobs while you are students has many advantages. of course teenagers should not forget that their main duties and goals are studying and they shouldn't let part-time jobs affect their GPA. |
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Minhduc
I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 17
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| #2 (permalink) Mon Jan 07, 2008 17:22 pm TOEFL essay: Having jobs while you are students |
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| minhduc wrote: |
TOEFL essay: In some countries, teenagers have jobs while they are still students. Do you think this is a good idea? Support your opinion by using specific reasons and details.
Nowadays teenagers are becoming more and more dynamics. While they are still students they actively look for jobs. In my opinion, I strongly support this idea.
First of all, jobs will give students more experience. Especially, if the job is related to what they are studying in school. For example, if a student's major is Economics, he can apply economical rules to real life situations and see whether these rules work or not. Moreover, real situations are much more complicated than simplified ones in the theory taught in school. [Include some sort of example here to illustrate your point] Therefore, jobs can provide teenagers invaluable things which he can not find in school.
In addition, by working, students can earn money to pay partly or entirely their tuition fee. They can also use this money to buy books and pay for other expenses. [Talk about your own personal experience or the experience of someone you know - in terms of the things students need to spend money on, to impress upon the reader that this can be really costly] To students who their own family budget is just enough, having jobs can help them to overcome financial difficulties.
To sum up, having jobs while you are students has many advantages. of course teenagers should not forget that their main duties and goals are studying and they shouldn't let part-time jobs affect their GPA [Perhaps it might be better to say something along the lines of it being important to achieve a balance between work and study so that the study element is not adversely affected. I'm not sure. It just sounds like you may be contradicting the strong arguments you've made in favor of students working]. |
Hi minhduc,
All up a pretty good essay, which I think will earn you 3.5~4.0 on the TOEFL scale. I've highlighted a couple of errors and made some content/topic development suggestions in blue.
Good luck with it!
- Jason |
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EnglishRaven
You can meet me at english-test.net
Joined: 09 Oct 2007
Posts: 66
Location: Melbourne Australia
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| #3 (permalink) Wed Jan 09, 2008 10:26 am TOEFL essay: Having jobs while you are students |
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Hi, Jason
Thank you very much for giving comments and suggestions on my essays. Actually, I was not very satisfied with this essay, I thought that it was rather short, you know. Now, I know how to make it become longer and better  |
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Minhduc
I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 04 Jan 2008
Posts: 17
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| #4 (permalink) Sat Sep 12, 2009 17:13 pm TOEFL essay: Having jobs while you are students |
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| Minhduc wrote: |
| Especially, if the job is related to what they are studying in school. |
I believe that we can write it in better way.
can anyone rewrite it?
Does anyone know?
-
_________________
The limits of my language are the limits of my universe.
Ludwig Wittgenstein |
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 RichardW
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 454
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| #5 (permalink) Sat Sep 12, 2009 17:17 pm TOEFL essay: Having jobs while you are students |
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Hi EnglishRaven.
Thanks ever so much for your help.
I love helpful people.
Good luck.
_________________
The limits of my language are the limits of my universe.
Ludwig Wittgenstein |
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RichardW
I'm here quite often ;-)
Joined: 01 Sep 2009
Posts: 454
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| Human activity related to Earth | TOEFLŪ essay: Some students prefer to study alone. |
