TOEFL essay sample: facebook is advertised or not (argumentative)

[Nelit]

I want someone can check my mistakes please i prepare for a proficiency exam

The Internet has millions of websites. People who are at different age can find a website that adresses them. Nowadays, there is the most popular website called facebook and, in everypassing day , the number of its users is increasing. In my opinion, facebook is not advertised as an online directory that connects people through social networks.

First of all, time spent online is time taken away from extracurricular activities and other social interaction. In other words, people spend too much time in front of the computer. When they start to search on facebook, they are not aware of how time is passing. Therefore, they delay whatever they have to do since facebook supplies a lot of activities such as meeting people, creating groups and finding friends who people have not met for a long time. These opportunities seem more attractive doing other things such as homework. Some time later, they become slayers of facebook. On the other hand, they create a virtual life on it and isolate themselves from real life.

Secondly, people use stereotype to describe themselves. It is not enough to know exactly about individuals’ lives since some of them do not tell the truth. However, people are limited by using profile structure for they have to fill in the blanks that are necessary. They, therefore, can not mention sufficiently about their characters, hobies or perspective of life as well. As a result, it is not a healthy way to meet people by looking their stereotype.

On the other hand, there are some opponents claiming that establish social connections with people at school and at institutions all over the world. This situation can be useful to enlarge social network. In addition, they can learn about other cultures by meeting foreign individuals. However, facebook can influence people in a negative way because not everyone is good intentioned. Some of them can use badly private information about people who they hate.

All things concidered, although facebook is a good way to connect people to each other, it has some drawbacks such as spending too much time and using limited stereotypes to characterize oneself. There occured a new addiction that is facebook’s addiction because people can not control themselves from joining it. I believe that the age of singing up is restricted 18 since children can be affected in a negative way.