TOEFL Essay Sample: Actions speak louder than words

[Flaviomarcelinho]

Hi everybody,

My name is flávio, I'm from Brazil, and I'm going to do the toefl IBT test next saturday (January, 12th).
I've tried to write some essays and tried to get prepared for the test. But, studying alone is always something dificulty to do.
So, I wrote the essay below and I really would apreciate if somebody could correct it and give me a feedback. Please!

Essay topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Actions speak louder than words
Use specific reasons and examples to support your response.

I strongly believe that actions speak louder than words. Because when a person do something, everybody who is around will judge the results of the action and will conect the action to the person who did it.
One good example of it is the politician who is involved in a political scandal. Regardeless the politician can proove his inocence, the most of people will conect the politician's image to the escandal, and maybe don't support him in the next election process.

Another point which has to be observed is that people speaks about many things and someones speak a lot, all the time, about things that are no true. That's why the socyet are getting used to not believe in words, but in acts. Because acts are more dificult to be unreliable. The acts, always leave results and the the results are the best exemple of the reliability of the acts.

I'm going to give one good exemple of how an act can speaks louder than words: once in my life, I was trying to get a new job and had to do some selection tests. Because there was only 1 vacance and 10 candidates. The test selections included some group dynamics, and one of those dynamics were as follows: the the test aplicant asked to every candidate who really spoke english and all test takers answered that we really spoke english. So, the test aplicant, continued making other questions in our mother leguage ( portuguese). After 30 minutes, the test aplicant left the room and didn´t come back. After 10 minutes, another woman come to us and talked in english: "The test will continue in the room number 1546, at the 5th floor, in about 5 minutes. Who uderstood me, please leave this room right know and go to the new room where the test will be placed". After the woman left the room, only 3 candidates went to the room 1546, at the 5th floor.

By this exemple, is very easy to understand how the actions talks louder than words. Because, although all the candidates sad that they really spoke english, only 3 of them really understood the information that the test would continue in another room.

I can over this essay, supporting the idea that actions is more reliable then words, saying that is easier to relly that a person is really capable to understand the topics discussed in an american university analysing the person' toefl exam results than only if the person say that he is capable.

[Alan]

Hi,

Essay topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
Actions speak louder than words
Use specific reasons and examples to support your response.

I FIRMLY believe that actions speak louder than words because when a person doES something, everybody who is around will judge the results of the action and will conNect the action to the person who did it.

One good example of it is the politician who is involved in a political scandal. Regardless OF WHETHER the politician can prOve his inNocence, MOST people will conNect the politician's image to the scandal, and maybe WON'T support him in the next election process.

Another point which has to be observed is that people speak about many things and some speak a lot, all the time, about things that are noT true. That's why SOCIETY IS getting used to not believING in words, but in actIONS. Because actIONS are more difFicult to be unreliable. ACTIONS always leave results BEHIND and results are the best exAmple of the reliability of the ACTIONS.

I'm going to give one good exAmple of how an actION can speak louder than words: once in my life, I was trying to get a new job and had to do some selection tests because there was only 1 vacancY and 10 candidates. The test selections included some group dynamics, and one of those dynamics WAS as follows: the apPlicant asked every candidate who really spoke English and all test takers answered that we really spoke English. So, the test apPlicant, continued DOING other questions in our mother lANguage ( Portuguese). After 30 minutes, the test aplicant left the room and didn´t come back. After 10 minutes, another woman come to us and talked in English: "The test will continue in room number 1546, ON the 5th floor, in about 5 minutes. WhoEVER uderstood me, please leave this room right now and go to the new room where the test will be HELD". After the woman left the room, only 3 candidates went to room 1546, ON the 5th floor.

By this exAmple, IT is very easy to understand how actions SPEAK louder than words because, although all the candidates saId that they really spoke English, only 3 of them really understood the information that the test would continue in another room.

I can WITH this essay, support the idea that actions ARE more reliable then words, saying that IT is easier to REALISE that a person is really capable OF understandING the topics discussed in an American university analysing the person' toefl exam results than only if the person sayS that he is capable.

I have made some changes in capital letters.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Reflections

[Flaviomarcelinho]

Hy Alan,

Thanks a lot for correcting my essay. I really apreciated your job.

How many points do you think I could get with that essay in Toefl IBT test?

See you,

[Flaviomarcelinho]

Hi there.

I really woud like somebody to rate my essay.

Could anybody do it for me?

Thanks,

[Superman]

Hi flaviomarcelinho,
I think your essay is in good grammar and well-organized. However, the points that you made to support your opinion seems a bit confusing and unclear. Personally, I think you will get the score of 3 or 4 for this writing.
Good luck!!!

[Flaviomarcelinho]

[Torsten]

Hi Flávio,

If you read some of the TOEFL essays your fellow TOEFL candidates have posted here on the forum, you will get a better idea as the level of your writing skills. How many TOEFL essays have you read so far?

Regards,
Torsten
_________________
Test Of English for International Communication
TOEIC Preparation & TOEIC Vocabulary

[Flaviomarcelinho]