TOEFL essay example: students should wear uniforms?

[francesco.pat]

Hi,
i have just finished this essay and I'd like your opinions... tkss

When I went to Oxfort last year I was really impressed by the fact that almost every student used to wear uniforms both in high school or lower school and in University. I am well aware that this kind of tradition reflects the integrity and the importance that the school has. However I believe that a student should choose what to wear, particularly at school. My arguments are listed as follows.

The first point I would like to make is that how people dress is definitely important because it reflects their traditions. Nowadays you can find everywhere people from many different countries. They express their cultures and traditions in many differen ways. One of these ways is surely how they dress. I have a friend that came in Italy several years ago. She is from Iran and when she arrived their family chose an important school where she could study as the other italian children. The problem was that she could not wear her traditional arabic dress, but she had to use the uniform. This issue forced her parents to choose another school and so she could not have the education that she wished.

Secondly, I believe that to choose what you want to wear is fair and is a sign of freedom even if it does not reflect your culture or tradition. As a person has the right of saying what he wants, I think that he should have the opportunity to dress as he prefers. At school the first thing that is taught is the right to be free and to express your ideas. Due to this fact I think that the school should be the first place where people could show their ideas and their freedom.

From what we have discussed above, I personally can draw the conclusion that the way people dress is very important and we should choose what to wear even if we are at school. As a matter of fact, it reflects our personalities and is a sign of freedom.

[francesco.pat]

I edited some mistakes... i hope to receive some opinions about the contents and the structure of my essay

tks a lot

[mohammadrio]

dear ferancesco,
I read your essay. your supporting in paragraph two is in opposite meaninig, i think. it is better to drop down the school forces, i recommend you.
exuse me it was just an opinion!
bye