TOEFL essay example: should we make importand decisions alone?

[Francesco.pat]

hey everybody, this is my new essay. i hope i did a good job and i would appreciate some suggestions about the contents and the form of the essay.

thanks a lot

Everyday we have to make many decisions, some important and others less. We often have the help of some friends or our family that suggest to us how to act and what to do. I am well aware that to be helped by others in our important decisions has many advantages. However, I believe that we should always follow our mind and not listen to others. My arguments are listed as follows.

The first point I would like to make is that people could be wrong and if we followed their suggestions we could make mistakes and take the wrong way. Due to this fact, I strongly believe that our important decisions should not be spoiled by the mistakes of others even if who helps us is a very close friend or a member of our family. For instance, a friend of mine was in two minds when he was choosing what to do after the high school. He was afraid to do the wrong thing so his father decided for him and he started a medicine school. Unfortunatly, after some exams he recognized that he wanted to do something else, but it was too late.

Secondly, I think that making decisions alone we can gain important experience for our near future. As a matter of fact, this way of acting opens up the possibility to be face to face with the real life and consequentially we are prepared to do the right thing. Surely this way is painful and hard because we have to make several mistakes before take the right path. However, in the end we can appreciate how selfconfident and indipendent we are.

From what we have discussed above, I personally can draw the conclusion that it would be better to make an important decision by ourselves. As a matter of fact, acting in this way we can gain important experience and we always act following our mind.

[Superman]

I am not excellent at English but I will try to check your essay.
Here are some mistakes that I find in your writing.
However, I think it's a good piece of writing and your essay is well-organized. You should pay attention to grammar and spelling.

[EnglishRaven]

Really great corrections there superman.

- Jason

[Francesco.pat]

hey,
thank you for the reply.. I really appreciate it! however there is a correction that leaves me confused. It is the verb "to suggest" that I always use in the form "suggest to sb, sth" but u corrected me in "suggest sb, sth".. what is the right form??

PS. Hi Jason, do u think that this time I organized the essay in a good way? I mean, the example I used is enough strong to support my idea? could I improve more what I did?

Thanks again

[Superman]

Hi francesco.pat,
I'm not sure about that but I often use 'suggest sth to sb' or 'suggest sb,sth','suggest to sb,sth' sounds a little strange to me.
What do you think Jason?

[EnglishRaven]

[Superman]

yes, I put the errors in red and the correction or other way aroud in brackets.
I think you should correct them again because I don't know whether it is correct or not.