TOEFL® essay: For as long as I can remember my parents have made every effort...

[Ss08rro]

I am not the greatest essay writer and I tend to get my tenses mixed up. Any help would be greatly appreciated. Are there any major glaring mistakes I have made. Also, is "eye shot" used properly in the essay. Thanks in advance!

For as long as I can remember my parents have made every effort to surround me with role models that represented exceptional levels of decency and accomplishment. They have been successful in their effort. However, the most significant role model that they exposed to me was Peyton Manning and the exposure was clearly unintentional.

I remember going to University of Tennessee football games as a ‘toddler’. My dad is a UT graduate and there is nothing like “Orange Nation” football. When Neyland Stadium fills with 120,000 screaming Volunteer (Vols) Fans, the enthusiasm is infectious. Throw Peyton Manning in the equation and you have a football game like no other.

I began to “admire” Manning during my lower school years. We had third row tickets on the fifty yard line. What a thrill for an eight year old! Manning was always within eye shot, in front of me on the sideline and believe me, I watched his every move. The man worked hard and always had a smile on his face. He never said anything abrupt or condescending. His behavior was always respectful and he would talk to the fans. Manning was the type of player that every child looked up to. On top of that, everyone on the tea, seemed to really respect him and for good reason. He watched game tapes constantly in hopes of improving his play. He completed his undergraduate degree with honors in three years, opting to stay and play with the Vols during a graduate degree senior year. In short, he was Tennessee Football and everyone was proud of him.

Quite simply Manning excelled by most standards, yet, through it all Peyton has remained grounded!

Manning comes from NFL blood however, he chose not to ride coattails. Doing it on his own was the logical and natural route for him and I am sure his family encouraged that path. Making a name for himself and creating his own way in life has worked out perfectly for him. When you think of the “Manning” name you probably think of Peyton, not Archie, or maybe you think of both but for very different reasons.

Today, Manning is probably the most heralded Quarterback in the NFL today, but his traditional values still seem in tact. He is perhaps the most humble and unassuming professional athlete across al sports. Through his “Peyback” program he gives back to the community in need and with his dry sense of humor never misses the chance to make others laugh. My sense is that this is just Peyton. His influence is something that many people could us and that people need.

“Growing up” with Peyton has been significant fit me. Manning is the consummate athlete who provides an exceptional model of decency and humility that I will always benefit from. I am grateful that I had the chance to “grow up” with him during my adolescent years and I know he has made a difference in who I am today. I will always remember his life lessons.