|
|
 #2 (permalink) Tue Jan 15, 2008 4:44 am Is my opening correct and well-formed? |
|
|
You're using a Slavic, or let's say Eastern, writing style that is inappropriate for English (and French, by the way). In fact, one of my friends failed a translator certification exam because he transferred that style into English.
The first problem is that you are using enormously long, wordy sentences that need to be broken up to sound correct in English, because they become hard to follow. Use of the passive voice merely aggravates this.
Take your idea and write it in the same clear way you normally post to this forum, but slightly more formal. Then you will have the appropriate style for that English text, and native speakers will understand you. |
|
Jamie (K)
I'm a Communicator ;-)
Joined: 24 Feb 2006
Posts: 5332
Location: Detroit, Michigan, USA
|
|
| #3 (permalink) Wed Jan 16, 2008 11:50 am Is my opening correct and well-formed? |
|
|
I've rewritten it a bit. Tell me what you think.
| Code: |
Rather an odd practice and manner of politics in contemporary Georgia was most likely inherited from the Soviet political gaming style that never included and never was used to a well-formed opposition. Built solely on a harsh and monopolistic government fully under one party’s firm control and ideological guidance, the Soviet Union had hoped to exclude the possibility of anyone questioning their actions.
Adhering to these very principles and ideas, the contemporary government in control came to power in 2003 by means of peaceful protests, which had gradually started to convert into a full-scaled bloodless revolution, known as “Rose Revolution”.
The President, unable to cope with the dissidents that had been protesting the blatant wide-spread governmental corruption, vehemently relinquished his rights. The opposition leaders that came to power in result immediately called for Presidential elections, in which Saakashvili, the revolution’s key figure and instigator, won with an overwhelming vote.
For the common people, the shift of power that had occurred back then was deemed of beneficial nature since they had hoped for a chance to live without constant poverty, unemployment and hunger knocking on their doors.
Rather ironic that the very same crowd of protestors that had been protesting in hopes of finally having their nation united and controlled by a dutiful governmental structure; However, history repeated itself.
The massive crowd came out voicing their dissatisfaction yet again. Not only was it the majority of them people that rebuked, but also key political figures that also brought in a meaningful contribution for the cause. Many of them have even left their posts in protest and formed coalitions with the sole intent of yet again attempting to establish a government sans corruption.
Worth noting, that none of the dissidents of the “Rose Revolution” had denied the worthiness of protests and neither had any of them denied such means of power shifting politically or ethically incorrect. But today, they blatantly accuse and stamp everyone who calls for such actions as "terrorists".
|
|
|
BuddhaGeo
You can meet me at english-test.net
Joined: 21 Dec 2007
Posts: 67
Location: Tbilisi, Georgia
|
 |
| #4 (permalink) Wed Jan 16, 2008 19:56 pm Is my opening correct and well-formed? |
|
|
| Updated my post, please see. |
|
BuddhaGeo
You can meet me at english-test.net
Joined: 21 Dec 2007
Posts: 67
Location: Tbilisi, Georgia
|
|
|
| how to use 'that'? | condition v.s. a condition |
