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Does the text sound good? (Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but...)



 
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ESL Forums | English Vocabulary, Grammar and Idioms
Difference between these two sentences (Had lived and lived) | What is "growing grim about the mouth"?
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Does the text sound good? (Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but...) Sat Feb 02, 2008 3:20 am  Does the text sound good? (Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but...)
 

Hello everyone
I'd like to ask if the following text sounds good.

Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but they are worth implementing because if occupational safety requirements are not met and if the human factor is ignored, the company can incur bigger costs for legal prosecution, payment of compensation when an employee contracts an occupational disease or receives an occupational injury, payment for temporary incapacity for work due to disease or injury. Also, the company probably will have to pay extra money to employees who will do extra work until new employees are found. Thus, the Company’s image and reputation can worsen.
KLPNO
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 17 Jun 2007
Posts: 253

Does the text sound good? (Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but...) Sun Feb 03, 2008 8:52 am  Does the text sound good? (Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but...)
 

.
Long and convoluted sentences, especially when presented without relief, discourage readers from trying to disentangle meaning. Use the occasional simple sentence for emphasis and pause.

Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but they are worth implementing. If occupational safety requirements are unmet and the human factor ignored, the company can incur greater costs for legal prosecution, for compensation when an employee contracts an occupational disease or receives an occupational injury, and for payment for temporary incapacity due to disease or injury. Also, the company will probably have to pay employees who do extra work until new employees are found. Thus, the company’s image and reputation can worsen.

Actually, I fail to see any significant difference between 'for compensation when an employee contracts an occupational disease or receives an occupational injury' and 'payment for temporary incapacity due to disease or injury'.
.
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Does the text sound good? (Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but...) Sun Feb 03, 2008 15:55 pm  Does the text sound good? (Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but...)
 

Mister Micawber wrote:
.
Long and convoluted sentences, especially when presented without relief, discourage readers from trying to disentangle meaning. Use the occasional simple sentence for emphasis and pause.

Health Safety Programs are very expensive, but they are worth implementing. If occupational safety requirements are unmet and the human factor ignored, the company can incur greater costs for legal prosecution, for compensation when an employee contracts an occupational disease or receives an occupational injury, and for payment for temporary incapacity due to disease or injury. Also, the company will probably have to pay employees who do extra work until new employees are found. Thus, the company’s image and reputation can worsen.

Actually, I fail to see any significant difference between 'for compensation when an employee contracts an occupational disease or receives an occupational injury' and 'payment for temporary incapacity due to disease or injury'.
.
Thank you very much, Mister Micawber!!!
KLPNO
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 17 Jun 2007
Posts: 253

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Difference between these two sentences (Had lived and lived) | What is "growing grim about the mouth"?
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