TOEFL essay example: Science and technological progress is always a good thing

[andromeda]

Hello I'm preparing for Toefl exam, Could you correct my essay?
thank you

Science and technological progress is always a good thing.

Today the progress of technology and of science is always more important for our life. In particular technology has changed life's people very much in the last fifty years. I firmly believe that the develop of science is always positive for human beings, but I am not so sure about the technological applications of science.

Science is the study of whole reality and it permited to improve all aspects of the human beings. For example a lot of deseases are been cured from new medecines, because of progress of science. Furthermore we can think about progresses on transportation that they let us to travel quickly and very confortable. Another example of the progress of technology could be any our house with a lot of electrodomestic that they let us to live more confortable.
Nevertheless, I think there is a big difference between science and technology. Studying reality is always good thing, but changing world is often dangerous for the equilibrium of nature or for our own life. In my opinion, I think that ogm's use are not always safe for the healt of human beings. For example, it has spoken a lot about the allergism that some ogm have given to someone. I believe that sometimes it is more important economic profits than true benefits for humanity. One solution could be put these researches with their applications under control of governaments that they should think more about health than economic.

On the other hand I think that it is strongly necessary to continue researching of all filed of science, because without studying there isn't progress. Only I think the researching must be pilote by governaments and not by industry.
Finally I believe in science and also in technological progress to improve people's lives and to solve world's problems.

[gabriel123]

1. your layout is good and pretty consistent; guess you've reached the 330 words minimum requirement; use a word count for this, and first of all, consider using a spell checker, as you've got several typos you might want to reconsider.

2."technology has changed life's people" The life belongs to us, not the other way around, so it has changed peoples' life.

3. "I firmly believe that the develop" - develop is the verb, yet you wanted to use the noun, development.

4. "Science is the study of (THE)whole reality and it permited (LEADS TO) to improve (THE IMPROVMENT OFF)all aspects of the human beings(LIFE)" trust me, science hasn't improved human beings at all, for I'd like to go to the mall and buy and extra hand, but I cannot

5. "from new medecines" are being cured by today's medicines

6. comfort - noun; comfortable, adverb

7. "For example, it has spoken a lot about the allergism that some ogm have given to someone" What's an ogm? No such word in English whatsoever. Who has spoken about allergies ? You should have used it has been said that

Overall impression - you've got some problems - syntax, spelling, connectors, word formation. Though your essay is coherent to a certain extent, your typos and other mistakes kind of wreck it completely.

Pay more attention when you write and use a spell checker! IT HELPS !