Australian Short Story

[Koukou]

Hello
how r u everyone

im a high school student and i have an english assignment
i have to write Australian short story which embeds Australian socio-cultural attitudes, values and beliefs i character, time and place.

Here is short story which i wrote.
I want everyone to give me some advises.
And also let me know how you liked it.

Thank you.

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It was my 32nd birthday. I went to work as a sheep farmer as usual. After I finished my work, I was planning to go to down town for a feed with my family. But my daughter was crook so we stayed home. Actually, I was disappointed that I couldn’t go out for a feed. Ya know it ain’t easy to go out for a feed because we live in the back of bourke. We don’t go to town very often.

When I went out to check the sheep, I smelt smoke. I couldn’t even see the sun. The bush fire warning had been given to the south and the west. So I was not really surprised when I saw this sky. The bush fire was burning out of control, and the whole town has been covered with smoke. I just thought that the smoke was blown in by the wind. The sky was rapidly getting dark. The wind grew stronger and the atmosphere grew strange. I thought it was eery. All neighbours also came out to the street and looked up at the sky at the smoke. But they couldn’t see what was in front of them ‘cause of the smoke. I could see something glowing in red, but nobody would have guessed that the fire would come to our place. I felt spooked when the ash and burnt leaves came down.

I wet the things that would burn easily including the me sheep. During that, the bush fire came bloody close. There was a strong wind and suddenly I saw fire near the top of the Tierra Mountain. . It was a near miss.
“Stone the crow. Hurry up and pack up your stuff quickly.”
“What the hell’ is going on?” my second kid Emily said.
“What ever! Take anything important! Just hurry up!” I said with a shaky voice.
But they hadn’t gotten the message yet.
“Dad, which doll should I take, Cathy or Katie? I want to take both of them but my bag is full.” My youngest kid, Sammy said.

After we packed up, we got in the car to hurry to the town hall.
“Where the hell is town hall?” I said.
“Why don’t you know such an important thing until the things happened? You are so bludger!” my wife cried.
I wanted to yell out at her ‘What about you!’ but I didn’t do that.
I called to fire station and asked where the refuge is.

“Hey sweetie! Come on and get in the car!”
“No dad, I wanna stay here!” my oldest kid, Vicky said.
“What? We have to go now if we don’t get out of here we’ll die. See that fire!”
“Yeah, I know but what about my Jumbucks? I don’t want to leave them.
“I’ll come back to rescue them after I take you to safety, ok?”
“Yes dad.” She said faintly.

When we arrived at the town hall, I spotted some of me mates.

“Hey mate! Are you alright? How’s the farm?”
“Yeah, mate. We’re alright. We have just got here and I’m going to go back to save the stock.”
“No way mate! It’s too bloody dangerous. The fire will geccha…”
“Yeah I know, but I will get them because I promised with my sweetie kid. Anyway, I’m going now.”

I got on my car and went back to my house. On the way I went to my house, there was a lot of smoke so that I couldn’t see the way property. And also 3 roads were closed so I had to go through other way.
Finally I arrived near my station. I got panicky because I could see only the fire. I couldn’t see any my jumbucks. I just bless in and out breathe gently and deeply then I watered around the station and then I yelled ‘where are you?’ many times. Actually I did know that most sheep were already died although I didn’t want to believe it. I snoop around the station but there are just burnt glasses. There was no light in the house so it was really dark. When I was quite at a loss, I heard bleat distantly. Although I thought my ears are playing tricks on me, I snoop around house and I caught sight of something white at the corner of the kitchen. I race over to there and I found a sheep there!
“Oh, are you alright? Please answer me!!
But it lied down exhausted.
“baa…”
I could hear bleat again but it was not from her. I was surprised and I got her up and then I found 5 sheep babies under her. I was so moved to the point of tears when I found them.
“baa”
“baa”
“baa”
They might be relieved and they bleat again and again. I was so happy and I just hug with them for a while.

[Torsten]

Hi Koukou,

Are you sure you wrote that story yourself?

TOEIC listening, question-response: Could we swing by my house on the way?

[Koukou]

Hi Torsten

Yes, I wrote it by myself.
Why and how do you like it?

[Torsten]

Koukou,

What are the Australian socio-cultural attitudes and values you are covering in your story?

TOEIC listening, question-response: What about the weekly sales report?

[BelajarEnglish]

Hai Koukou,

I have read you story. It was really an excellent piece of work. However, I can’t get the Australia social-culture at all in that story. I am not a professional writer nor reader, but in my opinion that story only contain a general bushfire that can be happened in elsewhere.

As you mention in your email. You are looking for the advices regarding your assignment. I have not been here for a long time, but perhaps you can write something about the “stole generation”. You can easily see that term if you browse in Australia newspapers at this moment. The term that used to describe the children of the Australia indigenous people that was taken away by the government. There are not clear reasons behind the removal, but the papers and Wikipedia that I read suggested eugenics policy was the main issue. It was happened 1869 and 1969 ( I am not sure about this, according to Wikipedia) However, the new government has apologized for those actions.

In addition, you can also write about the new government has announce the plan for the improvement life quality of the Australia’s indigenous community that has many disadvantages and dysfunction of their community. Form the newspaper that I read, the housing is the priority, and paramountly the education system .

ta

Herry

[OhEmmGee You Blow!!]

ugh niggy youz gay!

that short story was very obviously copywrited for jeer shultzs' "me and the sheep"
when your copywriting someone eles's work you should at least change th eplot a little bit!

man, that was just terrible..

[Kitosdad]

That was nearly a year ago mate. Wake up!
_________________
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