#2 (permalink) Wed Feb 27, 2008 21:14 pm TOEFL Essay: Why is the ability to read and write more important today than... |
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| gilga27 wrote: |
I know it is terrible and too short. Just tell if it's teh rigth direction. Thanks Topic: Why is the ability to read and write more important today than in the past?
Although some people haven't realized the importance of reading and writing yet, I think they are the most important abilities we need in our modern world.
At(In) the first place, despite earlier time(beliefs) everybody has to learn his whole life. That means, to acquire new knowledge by reading books, scientific articles and newspapers. If you are not able to fulfill this task, you will have big problems to succeed in the challenges that lay in head of you. For example, many companies advice their employees to participate in additional education.
Whereas it was possible in the past to stand all day at a conveyor belt doing piecework until the factory whistle(horns) blows(were sounded ... sequence of tenses), today's employers need well educated men and women (employees). Regard(ing) the factories where in the past thousands of workers made their livelihood (,)(these) are now automatized and managed by a couple of experts. In conclusion, it is obvious that it was never more crucial to be able to read and write on a high(er) level than today. I hope people will recognize the facts and improve these skills. |
Overall impression - your essay's short, but not bad at all. You've got some problems (like choosing your paragraph connectors - whereas is almost NEVER used at the beginning of a phrase). You should also consider expanding; your sentences are too short. Keep up the good work ! |
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Gabriel123 I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 26 Feb 2008 Posts: 47
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