#2 (permalink) Wed Mar 05, 2008 14:13 pm TOEFL essay sample: Sometimes women are discriminated against in workplace |
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| roya wrote: |
Please Graded my Essay from 0-5 which I would like to have evaluation of my Essay as you correct it, Thanks :)
Sub.:Sometimes women are discriminated against in workplace, explain the differences
One of the primary rights of every human being is the right to be treated fairly, and women are no exception of this one. This discrimination has various forms such as wage-gap, the prevention of gaining a key position, and even usual work participation in (the) society.
Perhaps, we have to name the most frequent differentiation between women and men," Inequality of the Salary". According to the statistics of International Labor Organization (ILO) published in January 2008, 23% of the working women earned their wages one fourth less than the standard defined by International Labor Convention (ILC). Moreover, these statistics also indicates the occupations such as factory worker, waitress, cloth modeler, and finally the cleaner are examples of unfair payment. This kind of discrimination is made by the society itself.
The second aspect of discrimination is preventing women from further job promotion, for many instances, the governmental company manager, president, and director of public educational institute. Dr. Elizabeth Thompson, the chief of Illinois State Heart hospital, implied that she has fought for obtaining her current position. She quoted that," Although I have worked for 31 years in this hospital I have appointed to this position since 1998 which is not long time ago. I had elected as director of the research center once in 1981 by being evaluated my research experiences, but at that time there was a rule that prevented women to take over the key positions and even become a manger of even small section. A man not been allotted for the senior position had been appointed just for not allowing the appropriate woman to gain the position".
The Last but not the least form of women discrimination comparing to men is restricting them to elementary jobs such as house keeper, cook, primary school teacher which is more frequent in the thirld world countries. In these societies, there is a firm belief on keeping women away from social communications. This misleading notion is mostly due to cultural and religious conceptions. As an example, in Islamic countries such as Saudi Arabia, or Afghanistan, women are just considered (as) house keepers and responsible of raising children.
To sum up, we could conclude that discrimination against women is still one of the unfairnesses that every society is confronted with. I hope that not only (the) women fight for their rights, but men will also support them in obtaining their basic rights. |
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Gabriel123 I'm new here and I like it ;-)
Joined: 26 Feb 2008 Posts: 47
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