Can someone help evaluate my essay? (March 2008 SAT® Essay on Loyalty)

[Lavender001]

Being loyal-faithful or dedicated to someone or something-is not always easy. People often have conflicting loyalties, and there are no guidelines that help them decide to what or who they should be loyal. Moreover, people are often loyal to something bad. Still, loyalty is one of the essential attributes a person must have and must demand of others.

Assignment: Should people always be loyal?

Loyalty is an essential attribute in people's lives. It allows them to gain trust and respect that they need whether in executing their jobs or granting promises to other people. Being loyal and faithful is also an important moral value that people should practice. In the society, people is judged by their morality more than appearance. Therefore, they should always be loyal because it is part of their personal moral values.

Loyalty grants trust and respect. In politics, it is essential that politicians to be loyal and faithful to their jobs and the people. As the former New York City Governor Eliot Splitzer had shown, he had been unfaithful to his family members and the people when he was accused of paying a large sum of transaction for a prostitution job that he was involved in. As TIMES magazine had reported, Splitzer had been paying a large sum of bank's money to be involved in a prostitution ring. His act was not justified by what is called a loyal politician to the people. Splitzer had been unfaithful to the people when he used public's money to pay for his personal prostitution business. His mistake had resulted in his resignation from the office and losing trust from his people. Splitzer was once viewed as a future presidential campaign candidate, but now he had ruined his future career and disappointed his supporters. They no longer trusted and respected him.

Loyalty is also important in the work force. For example, an employee is supposed to be wary of his personal attitude no matter he is on or off the job. Imagine an employee of Mercedes Benz Company trying to sell his customer's personal information to another company in order to earn some profit. As a loyal employee, he should not sell customer's personal information to other company because he must protect the customer's privacy. Nowadays, customer's personal information is very confidential. The employee's action is considered as a breach of loyalty to both the customers and the company. Under this situation, the employee can be fired and therefore loses trust and respect as a faithful person.

Being loyal and faithful is essential. No matter in politics, work force, or any part in people's lives, loyalty contributes to how people can be judged and respected by their peers, friends, and other people. As an important saying goes, 'honesty is the best policy'. Being loyal to people also means being honest to them. Without being faithful and loyal, people will fail to appreciate and apply their moral values.

To all readers, please help me comment on this SAT essay. Also, I need help on clarifying some information below:
Is loyalty a moral value or ethical value? In a moral lesson that I have taken before, loyalty is considered a moral value because it is part of being honest. Being honest to people means being loyal and faithful to them..

Also, please help me check whether the information in the second paragraph about Eliot Splitzer is correct and clear enough to convince the SAT evaluators.

Thank you so much!! Hope to see your comments.

[Nanucbe]

'people is judged.' Such mistakes shall be avoided. But for these the language is ok.
'breach of loyalty' or breach of trust? Are these the same?
Next both the samples you have given are about breach of trust or loyalty.
At least there should be one positive sample, if at all you advocate this.
Honesty and loyalty are not interchangeable. "Honesty is the best policy" can not be equal to "Loyalty is the best policy."
I feel that in the present day democratic world we are expected to be honest to our sense of righteousness and just not loyal to the employer.
The parties, associations and companies which expect 'loyalty' from the people connected to it are just extending the same age old loyalty expected of 'subjects' by their KING. The KING, portrayed as a representative of GOD with selfish interests, should be obeyed and served without questioning. Such was the type of 'loyalty' that the present day gang lords, dons, party big-wigs and Business Magnets expect from us. To day, Loyalty with this meaning is a word that should be removed from the dictionary for the young.
n

[Lavender001]

Hey I don't really get what you are talking about. Can you explain it more clearly?

Thanks!

[Nanucbe]

Your article is ok for the purpose for which you want to use it. But mine are more personal observations on 'loyalty.'
I wonder that even today people are asking questions about loyalty. Loyalty only seems to be having a connection with morality. It is in no way connected to honesty. Honesty is the best one one should have.
You have selected two samples and both are samples which either show that the persons are illoyal to the organizations-one to the people and the other to the company. They are actually and practically dishonest people.
So when you come to think of loyalty you can easily find negative samples rather than positive ones. Loyalty is a quality expected by persons(leaders, politicians and particularly businessmen) in others to use it for their own selfish interests.
n