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Can I phrase it this way?



 
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ESL Forums | English Vocabulary, Grammar and Idioms
Is there any "liveshow" or "live show" in English? | Is the text written correctly?
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Can I phrase it this way? Mon Apr 07, 2008 0:21 am  Can I phrase it this way?
 

Hello everyone
I'd like to ask if it is correct to phrase the following sentence this way:

At the stage of processing and analysis of obtained data, as well as of elaboration of a system for Soft Skills training programs adaptation, YYY consultants used the successful experience of realization of similar projects in companies such as AAA, BBB and some others.

I'm not sure about "as well as of elaboration of a system." Maybe it's better to say "and elaboration of a system"?

And if the intended meaning is "creation of a system" which word fits better into the context -- "elaboration" or "working out"?
KLPNO
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Joined: 17 Jun 2007
Posts: 255

Can I phrase it this way? Tue Apr 08, 2008 8:06 am  Can I phrase it this way?
 

.
You are burying your reader in verbiage.

In processing and analysing data and creating a system for Soft Skills training program adaptation, YYY consultants used their experience with similar projects in companies such as AAA and BBB.
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Can I phrase it this way? Tue Apr 08, 2008 12:44 pm  Can I phrase it this way?
 

Thank you very much, Mister Micawber!
KLPNO
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Is there any "liveshow" or "live show" in English? | Is the text written correctly?
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