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TOEFLŪ essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet



 
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TOEFLŪ essay topic: People should not make decisions alone | TOEFLŪ topic: Some people say that universities should be concerned with educating
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TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet #1 (permalink) Wed Apr 09, 2008 21:25 pm   TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet
 

Hello, I would be extremely grateful for checking my essay and pointing out plenty of my errores :?

Nowadays very few people doesn't have a connection with World Wide Web. In fact, many users of the Internet make shopping at web. This kind of activity has pros and cons, which considerably affects our life.

Firstly, making shopping in the Internet is much more safety than doing them in ordinary way. Regarding many thefts and bandits on our danger streets it is salvation for someone that fears and feels unsafely. Furthermore, it is essentially needed for unable people who are not capable to go out for shopping. One of the greatest advantage of this matter is saving of time which provide buying goods on the Internet.

In other hand, there is a common feeling that an information society which we live in, links with degradation of human ties and might be a reason of lost connections between people in local societies. Consequently, doing shopping on the Internet which links with loneliness and alienation might affects our personal characters. In addition to that, buying stuff on the Internet involves waiting for our products and paying extra costs for transport.

Taking everything into account, I think that my opinion is rather balanced. There are either strong good and serious bad sides of doing shopping on the Internet. I supposed everything depends of the individual relishes of men.

Best regards! :)

TOEFL listening discussions: How long should the student's essays be?
Nasir89
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Joined: 08 Mar 2008
Posts: 6

TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet #2 (permalink) Fri Apr 25, 2008 13:11 pm   TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet
 

Hi nasir89, I've made some grammatical/word choice corrections for your essay, see the CAPITAL WORDS
Nasir89 wrote:
Hello, I would be extremely grateful for checking my essay and pointing out plenty of my errores :?

Nowadays very few people doesn't have a connection with/TO World Wide Web. In fact, many users of the Internet make/DO shopping at web. This kind of activity has pros and cons, which considerably affects/AFFECT our life.

Firstly, making/DOING shopping in the Internet is much more safety/SAFER than doing them in THE ordinary way. Regarding/CONSIDERING THE FACT THAT THERE ARE many thefts and bandits on our danger/DANGEROUS streets it is salvation for someone that fears and feels unsafely. Furthermore, it is essentially needed/NECESSARY for unable people who are not capable to go out for shopping. One of the greatest advantage of this matter is saving of time which provide buying goods on the Internet. /THAT IT IS TIME-SAVING.

In/ON THE other hand, there is a common feeling that an information society which we live in, links with/LEADS TO degradation of human ties/RELATIONSHIPS and might be a reason of lost connections(SHOULD BE REMOVED) between/AMONG people in local societies. Consequently, doing shopping on the Internet, which links with/RESULTS IN loneliness and alienation might affects our personal characters. In addition to that, buying stuff/STUFFS on the Internet involves waiting/LONG WAITING TIME for our products and paying extra costs for transport/TRANSPORTATION.

Taking everything/THOSE REASONS into account, I think that my opinion is rather balanced(THIS SENTENCE MAKES NO SENSE, YOU'D BETTER REPLACE IT WITH ANOTHER ONE). There are either/BOTH strong good and serious bad sides/POSITIVE AND NEGATIVE SIDES of doing shopping on the Internet. I supposed everything depends of the individual relishes of men/THE PREFERENCE OF EACH INDIVIDUAL.

Best regards! :)


My comments about your organization and writing style:
I think some of your ideas are confusing, probably you did not find a good way to express your opinions.

You need to have a topic sentence for EVERY body paragraph. Take your 1st body paragraph as an example. You only gives the safety factor the topic sentence, but then later in the SAME paragraph you mentions time-saving. Remember, the topic sentence must cover ALL the main ideas you are about to tell the readers in a particular paragraph.

Additionally, use big words wisely. A few big words used in a proper way can improve your writing, but do not throw into it a load of them just to, say, impress the readers, unless you know exactly what they mean and how to use them correctly. The same thing applies to complex sentence structures.

Overall however I think this is a fine essay. I would give it a 3/5

My opinion.

Truong
Batdoi
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Joined: 21 Mar 2008
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TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet #3 (permalink) Mon Aug 11, 2008 7:18 am   TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet
 

1. Select the topic of your XXX.
2. Choose the central idea, or thesis, of your XXX. For example: Information technology has revolutionized the way we work.
3. Outline your essay into introductory, body and summary paragraphs.
4. The introductory paragraph begins with an interesting sentence. For example: Home workers have grown from 150,000 to over 12 million in the past 5 years thanks to the wonders of the computer.
5. After this first sentence, add your thesis statement from above.
6. Use one sentence to introduce every body paragraph to follow. For example: The Internet has made this possible by extending the office into the home.
7. Finish the introductory paragraph with a short summary or goal statement. For example: Technological innovation has thus made the traditional workplace obsolete.
8. In each of the body paragraphs (usually two or three) the ideas first presented in the introductory paragraph are developed.
9. Develop your body paragraphs by giving detailed information and examples. For example: When the Internet was first introduced it was used primarily by scientists, now it is common in every classroom.
10. Body paragraphs should develop the central idea and finish with a summary of that idea. There should be at least two examples or facts in each body paragraph to support the central idea.
11. The summary paragraph summarizes your essay and is often a reverse of the introductory paragrah.
12. Begin the summary paragrah by quickly restating the principal ideas of your body paragraphs. For example: The Internet in the home, benefits and ease of use of modern computer systems...
13. The penultimate sentence should restate your basic thesis of the essay. For example: We have now passed from the industrial revolution to the information revolution.
14. Your final statement can be a future prediction based on what you have shown in the essay. For example: The next step: The complete disappearance of the workplace.
Jacksmith
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Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Posts: 4

TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet #4 (permalink) Wed Aug 13, 2008 11:59 am   TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet
 

STEP 1 HOW TO WRITE A TERM PAPER:
"CHOOSE A TOPIC"
Choosing a topic is probably the easiest part to writing term papers primarily because the general topic idea will be chosen for you. The idea will fall within the parameters of the subject matter of the class.

For example if you are in a mathematics class you wouldn't necessarily write about human evolution. Similarly, if you are in a geology class you most likely would not be preparing a research paper on media consolidation. The point being that what the topic it will more than likely depend on what you are studying in a particular class.

Once the specific topic is determined for writing the term paper, their maybe some rules stipulated by your syllabus or directly from your instructor as to what subtopics need to be discussed within the paper.

These stipulations by no means determines in what way the writer will present the information in the term paper nor does it confine the writer to a specific point of view. These rules only guide the writer as to what issues should be discussed within the resear paper based upon the topics we have discussed in class. This is an opportunity for the student to also demonstrate his or her comprehension of the class subject matter.
Jacksmith
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Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Posts: 4

Improve Your Dissertation Writing #5 (permalink) Sat Aug 16, 2008 12:05 pm   Improve Your Dissertation Writing
 

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Now take a deep breath and click on Genre. The
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Jacksmith
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Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Posts: 4

TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet #6 (permalink) Sat Aug 16, 2008 14:03 pm   TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet
 

Clean up, aisle 4.
.
_________________
"Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power." ~ Abraham Lincoln
Yankee
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TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet #7 (permalink) Sun Aug 17, 2008 15:45 pm   TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet
 

I feel some complicated words.Why can't you use it simply?
Angelos_143
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Joined: 31 Jul 2008
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TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet #8 (permalink) Sun Aug 17, 2008 16:02 pm   TOEFL essay: Advantages and disadvantages of doing shopping in the Internet
 

Yankee wrote:
Clean up, aisle 4.
.

Thanks!

angelos_143 wrote:
I feel some complicated words.Why can't you use it simply?

Who do you mean, and what do you not understand?
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Become A Effective Essay Writer #9 (permalink) Mon Aug 18, 2008 4:05 am   Become A Effective Essay Writer
 

1. Select the topic of your essay writing.
2. Choose the central idea, or thesis, of your essay writing. For example: Information technology has revolutionized the way we work.
3. Outline your essay into introductory, body and summary paragraphs.
4. The introductory paragraph begins with an interesting sentence. For example: Home workers have grown from 150,000 to over 12 million in the past 5 years thanks to the wonders of the computer.
5. After this first sentence, add your thesis statement from above.
6. Use one sentence to introduce every body paragraph to follow. For example: The Internet has made this possible by extending the office into the home.
7. Finish the introductory paragraph with a short summary or goal statement. For example: Technological innovation has thus made the traditional workplace obsolete.
8. In each of the body paragraphs (usually two or three) the ideas first presented in the introductory paragraph are developed.
9. Develop your body paragraphs by giving detailed information and examples. For example: When the Internet was first introduced it was used primarily by scientists, now it is common in every classroom.
10. Body paragraphs should develop the central idea and finish with a summary of that idea. There should be at least two examples or facts in each body paragraph to support the central idea.
11. The summary paragraph summarizes your essay and is often a reverse of the introductory paragrah.
12. Begin the summary paragrah by quickly restating the principal ideas of your body paragraphs. For example: The Internet in the home, benefits and ease of use of modern computer systems...
13. The penultimate sentence should restate your basic thesis of the essay. For example: We have now passed from the industrial revolution to the information revolution.
14. Your final statement can be a future prediction based on what you have shown in the essay. For example: The next step: The complete disappearance of the workplace.

For more cheap essay
Jacksmith
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Joined: 11 Aug 2008
Posts: 4

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