GRE essay example: If I had no freedom, I would rather not be alive!

[Immortal]

Hi!

I just wrote my first practice essay, It took me 45 minutes and I didn't have time for proofreading, but I'll put it in here to see what rating I get. Please say what rating you think a examiner would give me (I think the rating goes from 0 to 6 or so).
And if you have any suggestions please advise me, thank you! (I'm not a native speaker)

Graduate Record Exam practice issue essay I:

GRE TOPIC: „If I had no freedom, I would rather not be alive!“

I belive that my clinge to life and my desire to make something out of my life – or to make my life meaningful – is so strong, that there are only very few circumstances, in which I would be willing to lay down my life. Even though taking away my freedom limits my possibilities of making something out of myself or making my life interesting, it doesn’t completely obliterate those desires.

Let me look at a specific example: one of the worst case scenarios considering lack of freedom is probably being locked up in jail – for life, or, let’s say 50 times life, so there is no chance for parole. That is a pretty bad situation to be in, you are completely limited in almost all respects: you cannot travel, meet new people, find a partner for life, go to university or start a business. And every more basic desires of man are also restricted, you cannot chose when or what to eat, you probably can’t even shower when you feel like – and on top of everything there are many other terrible issues about being in jail, that we probably all have heard about. You also might lose your life if it is a very rough institution, but hey, we are talking about whether I want to lose my life anyway.

Despite all this there are still a few things that can make your life worth living in jail. For one thing of course, you can try to break free! I would probably try that every day, if possible – or at least think every day about a plan to break free; of course there is a very high chance to get shot at that attempt. You can never tell what you really would do if you are in a extreme situation, but I belive I would take that risk for my freedom.

But for the sake of the essay, let’s assume that my jail is completely safe to break outs, the walls are out of metal (too bad, no digging), the guards are highly trained special wartime elite soldiers and the exterior is guarded by MPs and minefields. I know there is no chance to break out and I am limited to these walls for the rest of my life. As I am writing these lines and imagining the situation I have to admit I’m taking a liking to the idea of suicide, but still there is one advantage about prison, that you would never have in real life, a factor that probably drives most prisoners crazy: you have overwhelming amounts of time. This opens up possibilities that you would actually not have in real life. I could for example use this time to become the greatest chess player of all times – I would not try to do this in real life because I know my chances are not great, and because I don’t have the time to train all day. But here in prison, when your other options are limited and your time is unlimited, why not give it a shot? Or you could just read books all day and maybe write your own book, if paper and pencils are awailable. That is a project that is definitely worth trying, although I know my writing skills are not really outstanding – but hey, I have time, I could write a hundred books, one of them must be good by chance! And then even though there are some strange personalities in prison for sure, you can still meet nice people, make friends and find someone you can enjoy your time with. In my opinion time is really a big factor in prison, that makes life either terrible or enjoyable, depending on how you look at it.

I remember a movie, I think it was called the Shawshank redemption, were a bankier gets sentenced for 50 years in prison, without even being guilty. Being depressed at first and having a really hard time with a certain gang, he in time discovers some things that make his time in prison more interesting. He tends to the library and writes letters to outside libraries to recieve more books. His financial education allows him to help the director with financial issues (and put aside a lot of money for himself in the process). He makes a good friend in prison and helps a youngster, who is sentenced only for a year, to study for an entrance exam. And guess what, at the end he breaks free and it turns out he used every day to dig a whole beneath a poster to dig his way out to freedom!

My point is that even when you are limited in freedom you do not lose everything that makes life worth living. The prison is just an example of restricted freedom. There are many other places, were you are limited in your possibilities, for example in a country with a dictatory regime. But the principles and ideas I demonstrated apply for these situations as well.

So, no, I would not give up my life only because someone takes away my freedom.

[Immortal]

I'm not averse to criticism, please respond, anyone