Describe a famous figure that you admire most

[Linh Bui Hoang]

Everyone has his own idol. And for me, that idol is a very famous figure – Bill Gates. This is simply because he is too brilliant not to admire.
First, his background is really ….(Please help me to find this word) Born in a wealthy family, Gates had many advantages to develop his talents. At the early age of 14, he took an interest in programming and began studying it. He was also such an intelligent student that he scored 1590 out of 1600 on his SATs and subsequently enrolled at Harvard College in 1973. However, he decided to leave after 2 years at college to develop his own business - a software company.
But that is nothing compared with his achievements. He is the one who made a turning-point for Information technology to develop so strongly today. He wrote Altair Basic program, completed Microsoft … which is indispensable for every computer now. Moreover, he has been one of the richest people with $59 billions in 2007 as well as one of the most influential people in the world. He and his wife are also very philanthropic when giving away a big deal to charitable organizations.
Finally, when most of other famous figures usually have messy lives with scandals, Gates doesn’t. His personal life is a happy and peaceful one. He has a beautiful wife, two princesses and a clever son. Say, he’s very lucky.
So, in short, there may be many other excellent figures, Bill Gates is always the one I love and admire most. He is my target to strive for.

That's my essay. Please help me to improve it. Thank you very much

[Haihao]

Just a rough rewording. - Haihao

Everyone has his/her own idol. Mine happens to be a very famous man – Bill Gates. It is simply because he is only too brilliant to admire.

First, his background is really unique. Born in a wealthy family, Gates had many advantages to develop his talents. At his early age of 14, he took an interest in programming and began studying it. Also, he was so intelligent a student that he scored 1590 out of 1600 on his SATs and subsequently enrolled in Harvard College in 1973. However, he decided to leave the college after 2 years of study to start his own business - a software company.

But that is nothing compared with his achievements. He is the one who made the turning-point for information technology to develop so powerfully today. He wrote Altair Basic programs, completed Microsoft … which is indispensable for every PC now. Moreover, he was one of the richest people with an asset of $59 billion in 2007 as well as one of the most influential people in the world. He and his wife are also very philanthropic, donating a great amount of money to many charitable organizations.

Finally, when some other famous guys lead messy lives with scandals, Gates doesn’t. His personal life is a happy and peaceful one. He is blessed with a beautiful wife, two princesses and a smart son. Say, he’s very lucky.

So, in short, there may be many other excellent personas, but Bill Gates is always the one I love and admire most. He is my hero I'd like to follow.

[Linh Bui Hoang]

Thank you very much. It's really helpful