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 Fri Jun 06, 2008 10:56 am Should love remain unspoken? |
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I don't think love needs to remain unspoken, but I don't think it needs to be or should be talked about routinely. I also think it's a form of abuse to pressure, goad or trick someone into saying they love someone. That applies in parent-child relationships and in romantic relationships. People shouldn't be pressed into saying, "I love you." I find it particularly disgusting when that sentence is used as a routine, emotionless, sing-songy way of ending a phone conversation.
Exceptions:
-- There are some people who, due to their upbringings or even due to abuse when they were children, can't recognize love in other people's behavior toward them. These people need to be told explicitly and often that they're loved, or they won't know.
-- There are some people (usually men) whose conscious minds aren't well connected to their emotions, so they can have an emotion without consciously realizing it. Such a person can be deeply in love with someone, to the point where it's obvious to the people around him, but he won't realize it. In a case like that, it's acceptable for the object of that love (it's usually the woman) to force his conscious mind to look at this semi-conscious emotion and admit he has it. |
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Jamie (K)
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| Fri Jun 06, 2008 11:18 am Should love remain unspoken? |
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| Quote: | | I find it particularly disgusting when that sentence is used as a routine, emotionless, sing-songy way of ending a phone conversation. |
So do I. I also find it irritating when, in the middle of a massive work project and stressed to the eyeballs, someone utters "It's been ages since you told me you love me".
| Quote: | | -- There are some people who, due to their upbringings or even due to abuse when they were children, can't recognize love in other people's behavior toward them. |
As a nurse, I've come across that from ex-public schoolers. Such people, most now in big business and in high positions, cannot recognise or deal with love when it's shown to them and cannot express the love they feel for another. Often, the kids of such ex-public schoolers have a hard time of things regarding the love dept. |
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Molly
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| Sat Jun 07, 2008 2:33 am Should love remain unspoken? |
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| Molly wrote: | So do I. I also find it irritating when, in the middle of a massive work project and stressed to the eyeballs, someone utters "It's been ages since you told me you love me".
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Interesting.
MrP |
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MrPedantic
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| Sat Jun 07, 2008 11:24 am Should love remain unspoken? |
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In which way? |
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Molly
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| Sat Jun 07, 2008 12:36 pm Should love remain unspoken? |
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| Molly wrote: |
In which way? |
For some reason, I was reminded of the "tango" scene in Some Like It Hot, where Joe E Smith says to Jack Lemmon: "Daphne, you're leading again".
That particular phrase ("it's been ages...") doesn't seem to google; but here is a close alternative:
Do you notice anything?
MrP |
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MrPedantic
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| Sat Jun 07, 2008 13:36 pm Should love remain unspoken? |
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They are only 7 people I say this every time I have the chance and I don't find anything wrong with it, or finding myself thinking "I have to say" it. Being far from family made me realized how little time we have to put any conditions or making any rules as to how we should behave towards our loved ones.
If some find public display of affection revolting, I don't have problem with that because some people are raised to think that way. It doesn't mean they are less loved or incapable of loving other people.
On the other hand I also think it's totally my business if I can't let go of my father for at least five minutes and getting thorough commenting his ever growing tummy when he picks me up at the airport, I don't get to see him everyday. |
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NinaZara
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| Sat Jun 07, 2008 15:54 pm Should love remain unspoken? |
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The header is generative though.
248,000 English pages for "It's been ages since".. |
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Molly
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| Tue Jun 10, 2008 0:17 am Should love remain unspoken? |
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| Molly wrote: | The header is generative though.
248,000 English pages for "It's been ages since".. |
Indeed. But that's not the interesting part.
MrP |
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MrPedantic
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| Tue Jun 10, 2008 0:21 am Should love remain unspoken? |
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| MrPedantic wrote: | Indeed. But that's not the interesting part.
MrP |
Thread on it's way? |
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Molly
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| Tue Jun 10, 2008 1:02 am Should love remain unspoken? |
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I don't think so.
By the way, what does "public schoolers" mean?
MrP |
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MrPedantic
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| Tue Jun 10, 2008 7:38 am Should love remain unspoken? |
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| MrPedantic wrote: | I don't think so.
By the way, what does "public schoolers" mean?
MrP |
public schoolers
Those who attended the kind of school described in the second definition of "public school" here:
The term public school has two distinct meanings:
A school funded from tax revenue and most commonly administered to some degree by government or local government agencies. This usage is most common in the United States, Australia and Canada and is synonymous with its British English equivalent, state school.
A traditional privately operated secondary school which commonly requires the payment of fees for its pupils, and is usually a boarding school. This usage is common in the United Kingdom (although can be ambiguous in Scotland) and occasional in other English-speaking Commonwealth countries. These schools, wherever located, often follow a British educational tradition and are committed in principle to public accessibility. Originally, many were single-sex boarding schools, but most independent schools are now co-educational with both boarders and day-pupils. (See: Independent school (UK)).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Public_school |
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Molly
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| Tue Jun 10, 2008 15:04 pm Should love remain unspoken? |
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| Molly, maybe it's not the 'public' schools, but the 'high positions' or the 'big business'. |
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NinaZara
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| Tue Jun 10, 2008 16:03 pm Should love remain unspoken? |
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| NinaZara wrote: | | Molly, maybe it's not the 'public' schools, but the 'high positions' or the 'big business'. |
Sorry, I don't understand your point. |
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Molly
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| Tue Jun 10, 2008 16:11 pm Should love remain unspoken? |
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| Quote: | | As a nurse, I've come across that from ex-public schoolers. Such people, most now in big business and in high positions, cannot recognise or deal with love when it's shown to them and cannot express the love they feel for another. Often, the kids of such ex-public schoolers have a hard time of things regarding the love dept. |
I thought you said people "cannot recognize or deal with love when it's shown to them and cannot express the love they feel for another" because they went to public schools.
So I was suggesting that maybe it was not the public schools that made them that way, but the high positions or the big business they are in right now.
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NinaZara
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