Reported speech: The mother accused her son of not having done what she had said

[Nessie]

Hi,
Please have a look at this:

"You didn't do what I said", the mother said to her son
=> [reported speech] The mother accused her son of not having done what she had said
Here are my questions:
1. I find the verb "accuse" here rather too serious (when talking about mother and son). Do you agree and can you think of another verb which is more suitable?

2. About the tense in the underlined phrase, should we use
"not having done what she had said" (This is not very good-sounding because there are two participles)
or
"not having done what she said" (I think this is incorrect because the action of saying was before the action of doing (which was in past perfect tense)
or
"not doing what she had said" (this seems ok because the action of doing was after the action of saying, but compared with the original sentence, there is another mistake: the mother said: "you didn't do..." - the action of doing here was in past tense already, and if we don't use "having done", it's not exactly the same as the original sentence.

Now, please don't get vexed because of my long and fussy analogy. I know that English is used very freely in real life (not in Vnese schools ) but because English grammar must be followed very strictly here in VN, I want to have the exact usage.

Thank you very much.
Nessie
_________________
... something we never have again, I know... I guess I really really know..

Sorry seems to be the hardest word...

[Jamie (K)]

1. The word "accuse" is not too serious here. The word isn't always used in grave situations. You can even accuse someone of snapping his gum while you're trying to study.

2.
...of not having done what she had said. (very precise according to textbook grammar rules)

...of not having done what she said. (more common in ordinary speech)

...of not doing what she had said. ("Doing" here describes an incomplete or continuous action. In the other sentences, "having done" describes a completed action.)