Tell me why?

[Islam’s Daughter]

I wrote this little poem and I wish you tell me frankly your opinion about it.

Tell me why

Through my tears
And lots of fears
I gazed in the sky
Trying not to cry

I’ve never loved one except you
I gifted my soul and no one can do
You left me a wizened rose
But I’ll never die of that cause

Think and gaze at my eye
My feelings are lost and can’t fly
Without your love darkness attack my life
But I swear at last I will survive

Along the meadow I’m leaving now
Without informing you so don’t ask how
Just to remind you I’m not coming back
Gloominess can’t cover me and so the dark

All my whispered words disperse
When I try to poetize my verse
Tell me why but please don’t lie
You sell my love and let me cry

R.A.S

[NinaZara]

I think the poem sounds sincere, without any pretense.

What is "You sell my love"?
_________________
Try your best and damn the rest.

[Ralf]

Hi R.A.S.,

I think you've done a pretty good job as far as word choice and grammatical correctness (it should read 'darkness attacks my life', though) is concerned. One thing I don't like all that much is your rhyming pattern. Rhyming couplets fail to have the desired effect you probably wanted to convey. The reader gets sidetracked. English is comparatively limited in terms of word endings, so you can only choose from a certain number of rhymes.

Here's an exaggerated effect of rhyming couplets:

At the end of the day
You will have to say
That everything must
For sure end in dust

Whatever may be
It is clear to see
That nothing can last
At least not the past

So here goes my rhyme
That ain't worth a dime
No that it's over
Crimson and clover.

or sum'n...

I think your best verse was this one here

[Islam’s Daughter]

hi NinaZara

thanks alot

[Islam’s Daughter]

Thank you Ralf your comment meant a lot. It’s my first poem. (attacks) it was a mistake. Sorry.

[Thanh_Hieu6]

I don't know much about English Poem. But I think that it is a good one. I can't make such a good one as yours.