Directness

[Ralf]

Today I stumbled upon a platitude in MacMillan's Business Builder. In the bit about diplomatic language it said

"Cultural Hint: In America language is direct, informal and at times confrontational. The English like humour and try to be calm and reasonable."

Is it as simple as that?
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[Yankee]

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Have you ever seen this "GAB Diagram", Ralf?
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Amy
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ESL teacher, and native speaker of American English

[Ralf]

I know exactly what you mean!

If there was an Irish graph, the curve would be like the British but terribly interrupted by interference whenever it goes off on a tangent!
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[Alan]

Well, I suppose you could be right although I'm not exactly sure at the moment and I'd have to think about it. You see there are several ways of looking at it and I wouldn't like to jump in with an answer without giving considerable thought to the matter. At the same time I can see the good sides and sometimes they outweigh the bad ones. On the other hand the reverse could apply if you follow my drift. To be perfectly honest with you I have to say you've rather put me on the spot, so to say, but I imagine you want me to give you a definitive answer. Well, that's a bit of a tall order from where I'm sitting because as you know in my position I have to consider all points of view and at the same time I must take into account which hat I'm wearing at any particular time. But to come to the point - put me down for a qualified 'yes'. Remember of course that I did say 'qualified.
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[Skrej]

[Ralf]

Alan,

Do you want a biscuit or not?!
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[Stew.t.]

Hi

There is the saying;

"The Brits are too polite to be honest, and the Germans too honest to be polite"
I guess this has an element of truth in it.

The issue came up yesterday.

In your culture would you mention to an acquaintance that they had put on weight?

We had this happen last night. And the Brits and Americans said that this kind of passing of comment would be reserved for close friends. And if so maybe done lightly with an element of jest and certainly not an opening remark.

What is your take on this?
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[Alan]

Hi,

The problem is how you respond to a remark about your increase in weight. Do you pull yourself in to indicate that you're not that obese? Do you smile forgivingly or what? It reminds me how irritating I found it when old ladies would look at me appraisingly when I was a child and say: My word! How you've grown! I know what I would like to have said as a response but was too well brought up to say anything.

Alan

Alan
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[Stew.t.]

Hi Alan

I guess some of it depends on how self conscious the person is.

But does this remark have more weight or is it more out of place than what I considered the harmless but sometimes superficial "oh you´ve grown haven´t you"?
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[NinaZara]

I think the Brits and the Americans are right, Stew. I cannot imagine telling somebody I barely know how they should eat or exercise. And it is not just overweight people, we shouldn't comment on someone if they are too skinny or don't have enough meat on them. It is just as hurtful and can sometimes affect their self esteem. Not many people realize this.
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[Stew.t.]

Hi Nina

I guess my point is as a friend you may say something if you see that the person is unhealthy.

But this kind of remark, which sometimes happens here, is still quite surprising.

I realize that the Brits can be equally diplomatic and sarcastic, but some people have drawn no line that they step over with such comments.
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[NinaZara]

Personally Stew, if I care about the person I usually say something. And I think if I said something like "You shouldn't smoke you know...", I guess an overly sensitive person would take that very hard but maybe some would just smile and say "Yeah, I know." So the line is different for each individual.

On the other hand saying something just to tease and not because you are genuinely interested in the person's wellbeing, is of course just mean.
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[Molly]