Does it make sense? Oh my God, I have a huge grief devouring my mind. A grim...

[Ralahpik]

Essay...(sighs) I need to improve my writing, so here I am picking five words radomly from the dictionary. I will attempt to make up a short story. (Note: I'm not a native speaker).
"Oh my God, I have a huge grief devouring my mind. A grim appears in my face. My neurons are grazing against each other. I need to fend my "Edible Haricots Theory". I ate them once, I swear. Or were they only soft stones?Hey words. Don't fade away! I need you to prove my theory. Nevermind, the Silence has already refuted it."

[Skrej]

Again, I'll take it sentence by sentence, with some general comments at the end. My comments are in blue.

Oh my God, I have a huge grief devouring my mind. Instead of saying you have a grief devouring your mind, I would reword this to say "Oh my God, grief is devouring my mind"

A grim appears in my face. Did you mean to type 'grin'? If not, then 'grim' is an adjective, and can't be used as the subject of a sentence. Perhaps you meant to say 'grimmace'? Either way, it should be 'on my face' instead of 'in my face'.

My neurons are grazing against each other. If you don't mean this literally, then this works as a great descriptive metaphor, one that I may have to borrow/steal at some point! I'm assuming you meant this metaphorically, not literally.


I need to fend my "Edible Haricots Theory". 'fend' won't work here. I think you mean 'defend', (i.e. to support an argument against hostile criticism). To 'fend off' is to fight against, keep away, or ward off. To fend off your own theory doesn't make much sense.

I ate them once, I swear. Slightly confusing, you ate what once? You need to separate the lines about Haricorts, eating them, and asking if they were haricorts or stone to keep it from being confusing. This is why we use paragraphs!

Or were they only soft stones? ok

Hey words. Don't fade away! ok

I need you to prove my theory. ok

Never mind, the Silence has already refuted it. Did you purposely capitalize 'silence' to make it an entity? If that was your intent, then it's okay, otherwise you shouldn't capitalize 'silence'.

If you'd break this up into some paragraphs, then some of the confusion would be resolved. Consider the following.

"Oh my God, grief is devouring my mind. A grimace appears on my face. My neurons are grazing against each other.

I need to fend my "Edible Haricots Theory". I ate them once, I swear. Or were they only soft stones?

Hey words. Don't fade away! I need you to prove my theory. Never mind, the Silence has already refuted it."
_________________
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
***
Did you hear they arrested the Energizer Bunny on battery charges?
***