I can help you with your TOEFL® writing!

[EnglishRaven]

Hi there,

It's been a while since I visited this forum. Looks like it is going along very nicely!

I've begun making some TOEFL writing lessons which people will be able to access and use for free. The first lesson (how to write good introductions for independent essays) is available at this link:

global-english.lefora.com/2008/08/04/toefl-writing-lesson-1-writing-a-good-introduction/

There will be more of these sorts of guided lessons with example essays in the near future...

I also have some essay topics posted, and if you post an essay I can give you an iBT score and some quick general feedback. The topics posted so far are:

1. Small town or big city...?

2. Roads and highways or public transportation...?

3. Learning foreign languages

4. Learning about the past

5. Media attention for famous people

Hope this is of some help to you. In the meantime, I encourage you to keep writing and posting essays here and in other forums, and remember to read and comment on others' essays if you hope for people to help you with your writing...

All the best,

~ Jason

TOEFL listening lectures: A university lecture by a professor of History

[Abdoul]

Thank you very much, dude. I really need you to help me in my writting I have exam next week and half. So I am reaaly afraid about that actually I dont now how I get 75 points. It's the lowest Score which I can get it.

[Gerson]

Hi Jason

Thanks a lot.

Should I send to you or post here at the forum.

I'm sending part of my essay, just for you criticize, this part I'm aplying your first Tip: Creating a Context of the topic, ok.

Topic: Learning foreign languages

Learn another language require a lot of pesonal effort. The first thing for to do is create a study schedule, and set up goals for each fase of the learning. With de goals you can acompany the progress and avaluate yourself better.
A good indicator of improvement in another language, begins when you have the link between the words e feelings, and the translate becomes necessary anymore....

>> this will me my introduction (or context )

please let me know. If it is right, ok.

tks.

Gerson

[EnglishRaven]

Hi Gerson,

Thanks for having a shot at this. It's easier for me to notice posts like this if they are posted directly in the same thread as the lesson materials, but given I happened by here I can give you some quick feedback.

There are a couple of problems with the context you've created here. The first is that it is too long - you will really struggle to write this much in the TOEFL and still complete the rest of your introduction and essay in a timely manner. I'd stick to 2-3 sentences at the very most to build your context.

The other problem here is that the context you are building does not match the specific topic. You are building a context about learning language in general, whereas the topic is specifically about compulsory learning of foreign languages during high school years. The context you build should be related directly to the topic. For example, you might like to talk generally about the importance of knowing foreign languages in an era of increasing globalization, or a lack of opportunities to learn foreign languages in high school alongside other important subjects. Those are just some quick suggestions. The context you wrote about above might confuse your reader by not fitting cohesively with the rest of your introduction in response to the specific topic. You may even risk going off topic, which is something TOEFL writing assessors really punish you for.

Hope that helps - good luck with your prep.

~ Jason

[Gerson]

Hi Jason,

Again, thanks a lot for your quick feedback.

I understood your sugestions and I will work on it.

I have little question for you, are you working for this web site, or you are like me, just a web traveler... try to help somebody (accutaly, I need more help than anyone.. :>)

well, I'm asking you this, because I have a lot of time to change ideas with you about essays , toefl.. . , and I would like to know, what time are you used to be accessing

the forum, so I can planing my self to send my questions, in proper time, ok..

tks.
Gerson

[EnglishRaven]

Um - no, not working for this website - but happy to wander about the net and drop tips here and there...

[Gerson]

Hi Jason,

Where are you from ? are you a teacher...

Follow my second essay: title::: Small town or big city...?

I prefer big city, because we can find everything we want, in fact, it is possible to byu a lot of cheap stuffs and with a good quality.

When you are living in a small city becomes impossible to find out a big variety of stuff to bye, so you have to be glad with the shops of city.

.....

:: Please, correct again for me.

Tks in advance, Gerson

[Hms]

Thank you so much buddy... I appriciate your help.

[Makram]

Hi ! i just registered and i would like to have a new friend while practicing my favorate english language ! :wink: :wink:

[Torsten]

Hi Makram,

Welcome to english-test.net! You can practise your English with anyone here on the forum. What exactly would you like to talk about?
Regards,
Torsten

TOEIC short conversations: Company executive gives recommendations on what to order at business dinner.

[Makram]

Hi Torsten

i would like to improve my skills in writing ! i have some weakness! :( Would you assist me please ? Shall i propose one essay as example to start with and then send it to receive some comments from readers ?

Thanks in advance

[Torsten]

Sure Makram. You can post your essay and we'll let you know what we think.
Regards,
Torsten

TOEIC short conversations: HR person calls job candidate to invite her to next interview.

[Makram]

So let we start from tomorrow ....!

lovely thanks

[Manish3889]

Hi,

Could anyone help me improving my writing skill...? Below is my essay writing. Please proofread it and comment on my essay. Also, please correct it accordingly.

Thank YOu
Regards

Manish Gupta

Essay Topic

“We learn through direct experience, to accept theory without experience is to learn nothing at all.”

Learning is a continuous process. But how one should learn depend upon individual skills and what is that things he is going to learn. To learn something by direct experience is better compare to learning by just accepting theory. However, learning by theory is also important if you want to excel in particular field or if you want to have broad knowledge.

As children grows up they learn many basic process of life such as, how to eat, dress and walk. They learn these process by imitating their family members in general and parents in particular. In this case, if you give him a book and try to make him understand the basic process of life then they wouldn`t understand. It will be beyond their comprehension. So, here they tend to learn better by direct experience rather than by following rules and regulations mention in the book.

Another example I would like to add as why learning direct experience helps better learning involving car driving. If a person wants to learn driving he ought to have hands on experience to drive perfectly in the road. No matter how much he had gone through manual studying steps to drive, he will have to have hands on experience of driving. It will not only give him confidence but also the feel of driving. It will give him a sense of required judgment as when to apply the brake to stop at particular point.

However, learning by experience is stereotypical in nature. One may be the doing the same things in an outdated fashion or pattern. Their learning is limited to that particular style lacking innovation. They stop doing the things in different way because it may appear risky. For instance, a person working in chemical industry may be following the same pattern of work from ages. He will not be knowing the risk associated with it until he meet any accident. Had he studied the risk factors associated with the job he is taking, then he wouldn`t have met any accident.

Need of learning by accepting theory cannot be ruled out as learning in this way gives individual a broad spectrum of knowledge. If a design engineer or scientist has to design a nuclear reactor then he must have thorough knowledge of the associated subjects by reading advanced technical books .Designing of nuclear reactor is not just confined to the knowledge of Chemistry and Physics but it also need great deal of information from Fluid mechanics, Thermodynamics, Structural engineering and Mechanical engineering to mention a few. He cannot design it just on the basis of prior experience. No matter how many years of experience he had in the past, he will have to do extensive literature survey. Not only this will help him to know about various possible causes which may lead to system failure but also it will help him to know about associated potential hazard.

Let us take another example involving chemical industry which prove that people who learn by experience cannot cope up with the pace of fast changing technology. A plant operator is working in a chemical industry from past ten years is well equipped with the operation of PLC (Program Logic Controller). It is a controlling system which helps in controlling parameters like pressure, temperature, flow and level in a chemical equipment. Now with advancement of technology, if that PLC is upgraded to higher version, then the operator will not be able to operate it smoothly. Person who is conversant with the theory of that upgraded version comes into picture. He will be able to make them aware of different features of the new PLC.

In conclusion, both way of learning is important depending upon what is to be learned and where it is to be implemented. Learning by experience will not give you insight of the subject where as theoretical learning will give you deep knowledge of the topic.

[Manish3889]

Hello !! Sir Torsten,

Please read my essay and help me improving my writing skill.

Thank You
Regards

Manish Gupta