TOEFL essay: 'International maritime organization' service to shipping industry

[Cannon]

IMO “60 YEARS IN SERVICE TO SHIPPING”
At the sixtieth year of IMO since inception, the perennial efforts of the IMO to protect the life at sea and its environment deserve all accolade’s. Started as IMCO, it came into operation as IMO in the year 1950 and thereafter into full swing operation to take care of the safety of life at sea and to protect the marine environment. The IMO has overcome many stages of contemplation to bring into implementation the various requirements that is indispensable to curb the threats faced by the seafaring fraternity.

Though the disaster of RSS Titanic paved the way for the origin of IMCO and thereafter IMO, it had displayed a laudable resilience to deter reoccurrence of such grave disaster. IMO had been incorporating various amendments and protocols as appropriately to keep pace with the ever changing technical, commercial and functional demands of the industry.
With the advent of the ‘tacit acceptance’ principle for implementing new amendments into force, the IMO has displayed its war footing efforts to hasten the process of enforcing new regulations.

Being an apex organization for shipping industry, the cognitive efforts of all its committee has proved its potential and stands as pillars of support for the exemplary performance of the IMO.

Identification of the human error concept from the analysis of statistical data of marine accidents and enforcement of the ‘International Safety Management Code’ was a new dawn to the marine industry which would not be possible without the pursuit of IMO. IMO has clearly ensured that the objectives of ISM code and other regulations are complied with true spirit by all ships and shipping companies by executing stringent inspection procedure through approved organizations and this has resulted in achieving a conspicuous dip in the occurrence of marine accidents due to human error.

Sept 11th 2001 was an unforgettable day for every living soul across the globe, the entire world was bewildered by the abhominal act of the terrorism, consequently the IMO felt to bridge the gap on the security perspective of shipping industry. Since security aspect was not then within the purview of existing safety and environmental regulations, IMO strongly felt the need for a code which will prepare the seafarers to act with diligence when faced by a threat to life or property. The result was the origin “International Ship and Port Facility Security Code”. The objectives of the code underpins ship and shore personnel awareness about the potential security threats.
Further to augment the support the requirements to install “automatic identification system” virtually provide the seafarer with sumptuous details about the vessels around and help to identify if something amiss.
Needless to say these benefits would not be possible without the spear heading of IMO to combat terrorism.

IMO response to the air pollution was reflexive. In spite of the ships contribution to the air pollution being a decimal percentage, IMO was receptive to the projected environmental damage due to air pollution and swiftly brought in the new amendments to the existing MARPOL convention to combat the damages to environment through NOx and Sox.

IMO core focus to improve the training standards of seafarers was evident from the amendment of STCW78 convention into STCW95. The amendments have brought in a worthy up gradation in the training and examination standards. The STCW95 convention categorically segregates the levels of performance of a seafarer on board and also prescribes the detailed evaluation standards for each level. Truly, the amendments have widened the knowledge horizon of every upcoming seafarer.

The dismal loss of bulk carriers and the lives onboard due to substandard vessel conditions and lack of decision support system was stalled by the IMO by including the “additional safety measures for bulk carriers” as a new chapter to the existing SOLAS convention and also by phasing out of old ships through stringent PSC,FSC inspections and enhanced special survey procedures.

By means of its multifarious tasking and versatility the IMO has ensured that the safety, security and environmental needs of shipping are at no point of time obscured or left unnoticed.

In its ardent follow up to the raising demands of the shipping industry the IMO had never, at any point of time let to the subversion of safety.

IMO had always been receptive to the voices of seafarer across the globe, it recognizes the laudable brave efforts of seafarers in saving the life’s which are in danger at sea by bestowing the “IMO bravery award”. It has promoted the sea career by encouraging women’s to take up this brave profession which was once a man’s world, but no longer its is now.

Over these last sixty years right from its infancy, the IMO has seen a significant growth in all disciplines and a marked change in the perception and vision about future of the shipping industry in terms of safety, security and environmental issues. No doubt its been the same coveted efforts of the IMO which have transformed all the dreams of the yester years into a reality as seen today, thanks to the conscientious and stalwart efforts of the IMO chief general secretaries of the past and the present who has never let an element of complacency to drop in over these years.

Being a professionally erect organization the IMO serve as one common umbrella to protect the ships and the seas from all threats which is a home away from home for thousands of seafarers across the globe.

[Alan]

Hi,

I've made some comments in CAPITAL letters:

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

IMO “60 YEARS IN SERVICE TO SHIPPING”
At IN the sixtieth year of IMO since inception, the perennial efforts of the IMO to protect life at sea and its environment deserve EVERY accolade. Started as IMCO, it came into operation as IMO in the year 1950 and thereafter WENT into full swing to take care of the safety of life at sea and to protect the marine environment. The IMO has overcome many stages of contemplation to bring into implementation the various requirements that ARE indispensable to curb the threats faced by the seafaring fraternity.

Though the disaster of RSS Titanic paved the way for the origin of IMCO and thereafter IMO, it had displayed a laudable resilience to deter reoccurrence of such A grave disaster. IMO had been incorporating various amendments and protocols as appropriately to keep pace with the ever changing technical, commercial and functional demands of the industry.
With the advent of the ‘tacit acceptance’ principle for implementing new amendments into force, the IMO has displayed its war footing efforts to hasten the process of enforcing new regulations.

AS IT IS an apex organization for THE shipping industry, the INTELLIGENT efforts of all its committee has proved its potential and stand as pillars of support for the exemplary performance of the IMO.

Identification of the human error concept from the analysis of statistical data of marine accidents and enforcement of the ‘International Safety Management Code’ CREATED a new dawn FOR the marine industry, which would not be possible without the EFFORTS of IMO. IMO has clearly ensured that the objectives of ISM code and other regulations are complied with IN THE true spirit OF all ships and shipping companies by executing stringent inspection procedureS through approved organizations and this has resulted in achieving a conspicuous dip in the occurrence of marine accidents due to human error.

Sept 11th 2001 was an unforgettable day for every living soul across the globe, the entire world was bewildered by the abominal act of terrorism, consequently the IMO felt to bridge the gap on the security perspective of shipping industry. Since THE security aspect was not then within the purview of existing safety and environmental regulations, IMO strongly felt the need for a code which will prepare seafarers to act with diligence when faced by a threat to life or property. The result was the originS OF THE “International Ship and Port Facility Security Code”. The objectives of the code underpin ship and shore personnel awareness about potential security threats.
Further to augment the support the requirements to install “automatic identification system” AND virtually provide the seafarer with ELABORATE details about the vessels around and help to identify if something IS amiss.
Needless to say these benefits would not be possible without the spear heading of IMO to combat terrorism.

IMO response to air pollution was reflexive??. In spite of ships' contribution to air pollution being a decimal percentage, IMO was receptive to the projected environmental damage due to air pollution and swiftly brought in new amendments to the existing MARPOL convention to combat the damages to THE environment through NOx and Sox.

IMO core focus to improve the training standards of seafarers was evident from the amendment of STCW78 convention into STCW95. The amendments have brought in a worthWHILE UPGRADING in the training and examination standards. The STCW95 convention categorically segregates the levels of performance of a seafarer on board and also prescribes the detailed evaluation standards for each level. Truly, the amendments have widened the DEPTH OF knowledge of every upcoming seafarer.

The DEPRESSING loss of bulk carriers and the lives on board due to substandard vessel conditions and lack of decision support system was stalled by the IMO by including the “additional safety measures for bulk carriers” as a new chapter to the existing SOLAS convention and also by THE phasing out of old ships through stringent PSC,FSC inspections and enhanced special survey procedures.

By means of its multifarious tasking and versatility the IMO has ensured that the safety, security and environmental needs of shipping are at no point of time obscured or left unnoticed.

In its ENTHUSIASTIC follow up to the RISING demands of the shipping industry the IMO had never, at any point LED? to A REDUCTION IN safety.

IMO had always been receptive to the voices of THE seafarer across the globe, it recognizes the laudabLY brave efforts of seafarers in saving LIVES in danger at sea by bestowing the “IMO bravery award”. It has promoted A career AT SEA by encouraging women to take up this brave profession which was once a man’s world, but no longer is now.

Over these last sixty years right from its infancy, the IMO has seen a significant growth in all disciplines and a marked change in the perception and vision about THE future of the shipping industry in terms of safety, security and environmental issues. No doubt it's been the same ENVIED efforts of the IMO which have transformed all the dreams of the PAST into a reality as seen today, thanks to the conscientious and stalwart efforts of the IMO'S chief general secretaries of the past and the present who HAVE never let an element of complacency CREEP in over these years.

Being a professionally UPRIGHT organization the IMO serveS as one common umbrella to protect ships and the seas from all threats, which is a home away from home for thousands of seafarers across the globe.

Is this something you have translated from another language? Two points: 1) Be careful in your use of the definite/indefinite articles 2) Try to avoid too many abstract words.

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Not Really

[Cannon]

hi allan,
thanks for your amendments and suggestions,by the way its not a translation from any other language but just a reflection of my thought..also just tell me how do you rate my writing skills(ex good,average,bad...or any thing you think of)...awaiting yours.
thks and rgds,
cannon

[Cannon]

hi allan,
thanks for the suggestions and amendments,how do you find my writing skills..is it okay or unacceptable give your opinion..
thks & rgds
cannon