TOEFL essay: Participating in sports and in the arts

[Kentman]

Topic: Many people enjoy participating in sports for recreation; others enjoy participating in the arts. Give the benefits of each, take a position and defend it.

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Many people enjoy participating in sports for recreation; others enjoy participating in the arts. Both have their own benefits. In this essay, I will address some of the benefits of the both, and I will argue in favour of participating in the arts.

Sports are good for our healths. The muscles contract and expand in harmonic and regular movements in order to perform properly. The sport also gets the mind in an integrated connection with the body. The mind and the body interact with each other in such a way that they both add new useful things to theirselves.

On the other hand, participating in the arts such as music has its special benefit for our souls. Therefore it is highly valued.
The music puts our bodies in a relaxed, comfortable situation. We also enjoy our times while watching a movie in the theatre or then attending a musical concert.
Additionally music grants us enough energy we need to resume our jobs more effectively.

For my part, I must argue in favour of arts participation. I used to listen to classical music while I study. It makes me so excited that I could manage doing my houseworks even faster than without it. I’ve really had wonderful times with music.
It might not be the best hobby for others, but it is the hobby that is understood anyway.

(How is the TOEFL scored? In questions and answers concerning the test of written English (TWE).)

Thanks in advance!