Ways Of Courtship

[Maryann]

Hi everyone :) I decided to create a topic about ways of wooing in different nationalities. And I'm sure that there are many interesting and special things in each culture that the members of english-test can tell. I'm waiting for your replies!

Maryann :D

[Molly]

Tight tops work for most men. I mean, with women wearing them that is. :wink:

[NinaZara]

In my country, it is quite normal for boys to flirt with girls on the street. They will usually whistle and say something nice. Shy girls probably would never say anything back but if the flirtation gets very annoying some would say something back. My favorite is "Have you gotten yourself circumcised?" A sarcastic remark as an indication that the boys shouldn't be flirting because they are too young and not mature enough. This is because in my culture, when a boy had his circumcision, it is regarded as entering one's manhood. Also bravery, because once, during my father's time circumcision was done without anesthesia.

It sounds a bit cruel but it usually is taken in a lighthearted way.

In Japan, nobody has ever flirted with me in such a way. Japanese men are so shy, I guess. So the last time somebody flirted with me, I found the situation was so bizarre I found myself saying "Did somebody just flirt with me? Oh, I have not been "flirted" for a long time!" :lol:

[Maryann]

Really very interesting, NinaZara. I didn't know that Japanese culture includes circumcision. I always thought it refers to Islamic coutries only. Anyway, can you tell how it happened during your parents or grandparents youth? I mean that ancient way of attracting each other and marriage. Thanx a lot!

Maryann

[NinaZara]

Oh no! I was talking about my culture, the Malay culture. But just for your information, circumcision is a pre-Islamic tradition.

I think not much has changed in terms of ways of flirting but as I was told, my parents communicated a lot through letters, when they were "boyfriend and girlfriend" :). They only went out together only after they were engaged. But nowadays, it is quite common to go on dates. For example, back in my country, it was easier for me to ask permission to go out with a boy from my father, than to climb a mountain. But the boy must also come and see him. Nothing serious, just introducing oneself so that the parents can keep an eye on who's their daughters are seeing.

And in my culture also, during my parents and grandparents time, when a man is interested in a girl, the honorable thing to do is to ask his parents or elder people to go and meet the girl's family for what we call "merisik", which is basically asking questions on the girl's availability, or if it was okay for them to proceed to the next step, "menunang" meaning "to engage the girl and the boy" or even to discuss any demands from the girl's family and also how long the engagement period would be before the marriage.

So, if the girl is very pretty, she will receive a lot of visits from a lot of families asking for her hand in marriage. :P

During my grandmother's time, she had to endure arranged marriage which also has the same procedure. We still practice the same thing only in a different beginning. For example, if a girl decided it's time to settle down, she will simply ask her boyfriend something like "When are getting married?" Or, "When can our parents meet?" By default, the couple will start working on how they want their marriage ceremony to be. This may sound weird for westerners, but when a Malay man is in a relationship with a Malay girl, he really is in for marriage. This is due to their upbringing to always respect and protect woman. So they have no pressure or anything of a sort unless they are unprepared financially. This is the quality that I really like about Malay men.

[Maryann]

Sorry for misunderstanding you, Nina. The information written by you above is exactly what I was interested in :) I'd be glad if everyone here wrote something about his culture. Come on, guys! I'm sure that each of you has something to tell about!
Now I'd like to tell about my country's customs as to the ways of courtship and marriage. Long-ago in Ukraine wooing seemed to be quite an innocent thing between a girl and a boy. It was something special when a girl allowed to take her hand and if there appeared a kiss - mostly you had to marry that girl :) Often happened that the girl's parents decided for her which man she was gonna married to and mostly it was a rich, old and ugly one (especially when girl's family was poor). That's why many beautiful girls were really unhappy in their marriage. Also there was a place for a matchmaking when fiance and his relatives came to the bride's parents and informed that their groom wanted to marry their daughter. Parents could accept or reject proposal because daughter's opinion didn't count. Sounds cruel I guess because I don't know what I'd do if my parents prevented me of marrying my husband.

Nowadays we can freely date each other and our parents often aren't aware of those we are going out with. Sometimes it takes efforts for them to get to know the person their kids have affairs with. Some of Ukrainian young people are quite secret as to their relations with the opposite gender. Most of them follow the western courples way of relationship - living together not being married.