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TOEFLŪ essay: If you could change one important thing about your country...



 
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TOEFL essay: If you could change one important thing about your country... #1 (permalink) Tue Oct 07, 2008 22:40 pm   TOEFL essay: If you could change one important thing about your country...
 

Hi all,
This is my first post with my first Toefl essay. Kindly evaluate and point out my mistakes. Thanks in advance.

1) If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

Whenever a person is asked for any suggestion for the improvement of the country, you will get a default answer that "No one is good. I want to change the entire world". Anyone can say this and eschew the problems in the society. But there are some important things those require change to improvise the country in some aspects. "Voting system" is the first item in my list.

My country is a democratic one. Its definition is very simple "Everything is people". So obviously the rulers are selected only by the wide variety of people with the conventional voting system. Every five years when the election happens, the Politicians can be seen in the some country streets asking requesting or sometimes begging for votes with thier own set of promises and free bees. As People do not remember the promises they made last time, without even assessing them the people
will select someone and vote for it based on the overall "feel good index" for previous tenure.

The major problem with that conventional system is that the people do not even remember what the politicians were supposed to do in the previous tenure. So I would like to modify the system with few changes with it. Firstly, the government
should have a set of goals to achieve for the coming tenure and ask for the participating party to give some solutions for achieving those goals. Only the parties which proposed feasible and good solutions should be allowed to participate in the
election. This will ensure whether the party is having a vision of doing something fruitful to the country.

Secondly, the promises and the goals for the winning party has to evaluated with the actual ones to get the success rate of the party which ruled. With this information the people will be able to identify which party doesn't have any mendacious politician.

Its not a job wherein one can relax and play with toys. Its a job to rule and bring in developments to improve the country with a hoard of people with lots of hopes. Even the preliminary school has some kind of entrance test for the kids. Why aren't we setting some entry criteria for the people who is going to rule the country?

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Toefl_Guy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2008
Posts: 1

TOEFL essay: If you could change one important thing about your country... #2 (permalink) Tue Oct 21, 2008 19:52 pm   TOEFL essay: If you could change one important thing about your country...
 

Hi,

Please evaluate my writing and provide your suggestions. Thanks.

1) If you could change one important thing about your country, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

If I have a chance to change something in my country – India, then I would suggest increasing green areas in the country by planting more trees. Planting more trees helps the country in many ways. They not only give clean and fresh air to the country but also nice parks for the people.

Trees and plants give clean and fresh air. Most of the cities in India are highly polluted. Pollution causes many diseases to the people. I have seen many of my friends suffering from allergies and breathing problems due to high pollution. So it is high time for us to take necessary steps to protect people from pollution. Planting more trees and plants in these cities helps people to get clean air and pollution less environment to live.

People destruct forests to materialize the various forest resources like wood from the trees, medicinal plants, animals etc. Due to forest destruction, most of the animal breeds lost their place to live. This in turn has resulted in loss of many animal breeds. Increase in green areas will definitely help the animals for a place to live.

Planting more trees also give nice parks for the people. Parks will be a good place for the people to pass their free time, to relax in a natural environment, to get along with the friends, to play and enjoy the nature. They can also be made as tourist destination.

Many places in India are suffering due to insufficient rain and water. Growing more trees especially in these areas will help in more rain and weather control.

For the above said main reasons, I would suggest to increase the green areas in my country.
Monisha_2008
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Joined: 21 Oct 2008
Posts: 1

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