Sentence correction: On the territory of the Everglades, there are many different

[SkiIucK]

Hello,

Do the following sentences sound acceptable to you?

"On the territory of the Everglades, there are many different animal and plant species. However, due to humans' detrimental activities upon the area, the flora and fauna have begun to slowly vanish."

Thanks

[Mister Micawber]

.
Not quite.

In the Everglades, there are many different animal and plant species. However, because of man's detrimental activities in the area, the flora and fauna have begun to vanish.
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Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's