Advice for my statement of motivation (GMAT® preparation)

[Buset07]

I would like to apply for a Master's degree, in which I have to write a statement of motivation. Could someone give me some suggestions/advices/comments ? Thank you.

Dear Sir or Madam,

I am applying for the Postgraduate Diploma of Information Technology Management, as my first step in pursuing the Master of Management in Information Technology.

My educational history was not really complete. I attended only 3 months at [***], one of the elite universities in [ZZZ], because I received a scholarship from a French NGO to pursue my university study in France. After taking the French course and various part-time jobs to practise it, I went to the University of [YYY]. Unfortunately, the scholarship did not cover until the end of the program, so my familly needed to cover the cost. Before the end of the program, we had a very difficult situation which led me to leave the university to get a job. I was really sad about the situation, but could not do anything else. However, I always kept in mind that this is not the end of the world. Someday, I would get a degree. This was a debt that I had to reimburse.

My first job was as a Software Developer. This was where I put into practise what I learned from university, such as algorithm, programming technique, database, code optimisation, design, architecture, etc. When I confronted with some technical issues, I consulted books, articles, and various forums on the internet. Apart from technical issues, I was challenged by the human factor as well, and how to share my knowledge for the benefit of the team. Over the years, I sharpened these best practices, and my career progressed. Despite this, somehow deep inside my mind, I was bothered by the thought that I still did not have a degree. So I took various training courses that increased my technical skills, more beneficial for the company I worked for.

I was hired by a software house company in [DDD] as a Technical Manager. I was not only involved in the software engineering aspect, but also on team development management and company related business aspects. With over 10 years of experience dealing with technical aspect of IT, I do feel a need to see the context from non-technical side. PMP was an option at that time. After 10 months of self-study, I'm now PMP Certified. That certification helped me a lot in dealing with various aspects of management. As I keep sharpening my skills on management, I came across the Agile Software Process Managements. One of those is Scrum, which I took the training in [LLL]. By having two certifications, PMP and CSM ( Certified ScrumMaster ), I became more useful to my company and be able to assume positions of greater responsibilities.

Despite those two certifications, I still have thirst for additional business knowledge. I like a challenge, and I want to learn more about how to use technology to solve business problems, how to manage technology solutions, how to harness the talent in others, and how to think and lead strategically. A Master's degree will greatly increase my overall marketability, and a pay-off to my debt.

There are many specific reasons why I want to pursue the MMIT at [xyz]. Its academic reputation, the availability of an extensive range of courses, and the online courses that are flexible in helping me balance professional goals, work pressure, and family responsibilities.

I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in this programme. I would be grateful if my application for this programme is considered and accepted.

Yours faithfully,
*** ***

[Knightpraetor]

I think it's good. You could expound more on the specifics of your prior work, but brevity has its benefits as well.

[Alan]

Hi,

I've made some changes in CAPITAL letters:

I am applying for the Postgraduate Diploma of Information Technology Management, as my first step in pursuing the Master of Management in Information Technology.

My educational history was not really complete. I attended only 3 months at [***], one of the elite universities in [ZZZ], because I received a scholarship from a French NGO to pursue my university study in France. After taking the French course and various part-time jobs to practise it, I went to the University of [YYY]. Unfortunately, the scholarship did not PAY FOR THE WHOLE program, so my FAMILY needed to cover the cost. Before the end of the program, we had a very difficult situation which led me to leave the university to get a job. I was really sad about the situation, but could not do anything else. However, I always kept in mind that this is not the end of the world. Some day, I would get a degree. This was a debt that I had to reimburse.

My first job was as a Software Developer. This was where I put into practiCe what I learned from university, such as algorithm, programming technique, database, code optimisation, design, architecture, etc. When I WAS confronted with some technical issues, I consulted books, articles, and various forums on the internet. Apart from technical issues, I was challenged by the human factor as well, and how to share my knowledge for the benefit of the team. Over the years, I sharpened these best practices, and my career progressed. Despite this, somehow deep inside my mind, I was bothered by the thought that I still did not have a degree. So I took various training courses that increased my technical skills, more beneficial for the company I worked for.

I was hired by a software house company in [DDD] as a Technical Manager. I was not only involved in the software engineering aspect, but also on team development management and company related business aspects. With over 10 years of experience dealing with technical aspect of IT, I do feel a need to see the context from A non-technical side. PMP was an option at that time. After 10 months of self-study, I'm now PMP Certified. That certification helped me a lot in dealing with various aspects of management. As I keep HONING my skills on management, I came across the Agile Software Process Managements. One of those is Scrum, which I took the training in [LLL]. By having two certifications, PMP and CSM ( Certified ScrumMaster ), I became more useful to my company and HAVE BEEN able to assume positions of greater responsibilities.

Despite those two certifications, I still have A thirst for additional business knowledge. I like a challenge, and I want to learn more about how to use technology to solve business problems, how to manage technology solutions, how to harness the talent in others, and how to think and lead strategically. A Master's degree will greatly increase my overall marketability, and ENABLE ME TO pay off to my debt.

There are many specific reasons why I want to pursue the MMIT at [xyz]. Its academic reputation, the availability of an extensive range of courses, and the online courses that are flexible in helping me balance professional goals, work pressure, and family responsibilities.

I am confident that I am qualified and able to perform well in this programme. I would be grateful if my application for this programme is considered and accepted.

Yours faithfully,

Alan
_________________
English as a Second Language
You can read my ESL story Phrasal Verbs/go

[Buset07]