TOEFL® essay: Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe consequences

[Rockyhan]

Dear teacher,
My name is Rocky. I am currently preparing for an ielts test in December and need to obtain 7 or higher in writing. Could you please check the following essay for me and give me some advice? Time is really pushing...

Topic: Housing shortage in big cities can cause severe consequences. Only governmental actions can solve this problem. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

During recent years the housing problem has greatly captured the public’s attention. An up-to-date survey revealed that around 46% of the respondents between 25 and 35 years old found it extremely difficult to buy a house. Sociologists, lawyers, civil representatives etc. have been arguing whether governmental actions are the only solution to the issue. This essay attempts to briefly introduce opinions from both sides of the argument.

The proponents firmly believe that only the government can settle this problem primarily because all real estate companies are profit-oriented. This implies that whenever there is potential profitability, these firms, whether ethical or not, will take advantage of all possible means to push housing prices to new highs, making it increasingly difficult and even impossible for the prospects to afford a home. Secondly and most importantly, the government, as the policy maker, is the governing power of a society meanwhile the official means of ensuring social well being. Henceforth, under no circumstances except with the government’s authorities can the majority of civilians secure a property.

The opponents, however, refuse to agree with this. From the economic perspective, resources, fundamentally, are supposed to be allocated by the “invisible hand”- the market. Therefore, the housing issue initially, ought to be taken care of by market principles. From the personal angle, there is an absolute necessity for one to save money if they intend to become a house owner. Less costly alternatives like renting an apartment and living with parents at a younger age are considered rational choices. Finally, for the benefit and stability of society as a whole, the government may implement effective measures to assure the majority of citizens an adobe.

Personally speaking, I am strongly convinced that governmental actions are not the only solution to the housing problem. For a properly working society, it is essential to have multi-level agencies, whether official or civil, to tackle issues.

I am looking forward to receiving your comments. Thanks in advance!

[Rockyhan]

Can anyone help me, please?