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Paragraph: My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall...



 
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Paragraph: My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall... #1 (permalink) Tue Nov 11, 2008 23:29 pm   Paragraph: My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall...
 

My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall , he has got a black eyes and a black wavy hair too.He is really a smart boy who can does a plenty of mathematic exercices just in a few minutes , he has also the ability to memorize a great deal of information just from the first look, I mean he doesn't need to come back to them and take them by heart. He is famous by his hard work and his preservence I mean that he never get absent from school or fed up with the studies. He is also helpful boy who likes to help the others without waiting for rewards.
Miss Ahdinos
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Joined: 28 Oct 2008
Posts: 36

Paragraph: My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall... #2 (permalink) Wed Nov 12, 2008 4:15 am   Paragraph: My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall...
 

My brother Jake is 21 years who looks young and tall.He has not only a two black eyes but also a black wavy hair.
He is really a smart boy who can do/complete a plenty of mathematic exercises just in a few minutes.
He will also able to memorize a great deal of information spontaneously.

I mean he doesn't need to come back to them and take them by heart. ( "I do not really understand what are you are trying to say")

He is famous by his hard work and his preservence I mean that he has never been getting any absent from school or fed up with the studies.
He is also helpful boy who likes to help the others without asking for rewards.
Eris
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 12 Nov 2008
Posts: 34

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Paragraph: My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall... #3 (permalink) Wed Nov 12, 2008 4:27 am   Paragraph: My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall...
 

My tall, young brother, Jack, is 21 years old. He has black eyes and black wavy hair. He is really a smart man who can do several mathematical exercises just in a few minutes. He also has an ability to memorize a great deal of information just in the first reading. I mean that he does need to read it a second time in order to memorize much information throughly. He is famous by his hard work and outstanding studying organization. For examples, he never gets absent from school and burn out from the studies. He is very helpful and likes to help others without waiting for rewards.
Minh
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 11 Nov 2008
Posts: 40

Paragraph: My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall. #4 (permalink) Wed Nov 12, 2008 16:46 pm   Paragraph: My brother jack who is 21 years old but who looks younger is tall.
 

Miss Ahdinos wrote:
My brother Jack, who is 21 years old but who looks younger, is tall with black eyes and black wavy hair. He is really smart and can do a a lot of mathematic exercices in just a few minutes. H has also the ability to memorize a great deal of information just by looking at something one time. He is famous by his hard work and his preservence. He is never absent from school or fed up with his studies. He is also a helpful boy who likes to help the others without waiting for rewards.


A few notes to others:
A black eye - this is what happens when you get hit in or near the eye. "Two black eyes" sounds someone recently punched him in each eye.

We say someone has "black hair" not "a black hair." A hair is what you find on your shirt when it's fallen from your head. Hair is what you have on your head.

Generally, when helping someone, don't change their words if it changes the meaning. If the author called him a "boy," then don't edit her words to "man." If you think it was the wrong word choice, then ask seperately.

Don't say "I mean" in your essay. Explain it propertly the first time. You used it twice in your original.

You could also have said "He can learn something by heart after reading it just once."

Someone is absent from school - he does not "get an absent."
Barb_D
I'm here quite often ;-)


Joined: 13 Jun 2008
Posts: 474

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