My poem: You are crazy, crazy, can there such a separation be...

[Volcano1985]

You are crazy, crazy, can there such a separation be ?
You are crazy, crazy, is the soul ever sent away the body ?
When your summer and spring become autumn
When your heart is full with sorrows
You will also understand when you are in other’s hearth without me
When your summer and spring become autumn
When your days call you to account
You will also cry when you are in other’s hearth without me

The memories are page by page
You are piece by piece in my heart
At times go, at last
Your love doesn’t let me live, it kills me

Can you check it ?

[Mister Micawber]

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'Heart', not 'hearth'.
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_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Volcano1985]

Hearth - Family life; the home.

[Mister Micawber]

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We do not go into other people's hearths, Volcano.
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Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Volcano1985]

Good for you then

[Mister Micawber]

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Let me present you with some advice from another favorite site of mine, Volcano:

We would like you to feel free to post your own poetry or discuss the idea and making of poetry in this forum, but you should be aware that your work is open to critique. Posting your efforts here sets you open to both unrestrained admiration for your literary talents, and creative criticism from those who hold a stricter view of what poetry should be.

We encourage the use of verse as a vessel for bearing your feelings into a new language or expanding your abilities in your own first one (if it be English), but keep in mind that it will be as open to grammatical and structural examination as are essays, letters and other submissions to English forums. Just as essays and business letters require certain elements of appropriateness, so does a good poem have criteria. These vary with the reader, and you may therefore get a range of reactions, all of them intended to be helpful in improving your language skills.

English-test.net is actually a very kindly site for literary criticism, Volcano. If you don't think that you can handle the heat here, then I suggest you compare us with the kind of reception you will get at a REAL POETRY FORUM.
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Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Volcano1985]

Ok Mister Micawber.Maybe mine is not a poem when i try it to translate into english.I just wanted to know if it has any grammatical mistakes as i did with my other posts here.Also I thought you were teasing my poem

[Mister Micawber]

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I am not teasing; I am pointing out what appear to be errors. 'In the hearth' can only mean 'in the fireplace'.
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_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Volcano1985]

2. Family life; the home.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/hearth+

It says...

[Mister Micawber]

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In the is your problem.
.[/b]
_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's

[Volcano1985]

How should i write it then ?

[Mister Micawber]

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when you are at another’s hearth without me
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_________________
Native English teacher at Mister Micawber's