TOEFL® essay: Teachers should be paid as least as much as lawyers, doctors...

[Raki]

Do you agree or disagree: Teachers should be paid as much as lawyers, doctors, and business leaders are paid.

Hello everybody,
I am kindly asking anyone who can check my essay. Please...

In my country, there is much concern over the subject that teachers should got salary as least as some professional job, such as lawyers and doctors. Some people advocated that teacher is the fundamental of the country, while others insist that teacher have long vocation but others not. After considering in several aspects, I tend to agree that because teacher is a job which needed a long time for learning. In the following paragraphs, I would like to reason and provide evidence to support my view.

First of all, the reason why I have such a view is that all of those jobs need professional. That is to say, those careers all need long time for learning and face more pressure than other jobs. A particular example is I have a good teacher when I was undergraduate student, he work hard in my class and not only concerned exam grade also student’s life and health. I though he should be got more salary. Under this kind of circumstances, of course they needed more salary.

In the second place, education sometimes not got well consider. Teacher is a fundamental job of country, but people think is should be do this which take care all thing of students. To further substantiate the view, let us focus on another equally important example. Elementary school is the base education of the country. Parents always think teacher should be taking care their children not only study also behavior in the live. Teacher not only just a teacher, but also a psychologist or a trash can that accept pressure from the school, parents and co-works competition. There for, I think they hold pressure not least than other career, such as lawyers and doctors.

Last but not least, teacher need taught about ten thousand students during their teacher period of live. In other words, they teaching will affect ten thousand families. For example, an elementary teacher almost teaches fifty students in one class in my country. They need concern every child and spend more energy and spend more time on it. Thus, they worth got high pay likely doctors or lawyers.

To sum up, from what has been discussed above, we may draw the conclusion that country used little money now; means used a lot of money in the future. So, I agree teacher worth got more salary.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the main danger of obesity?

[Gray]

Hi Raki,

1) The subject itself has mistakes in it, it should be:
Do you agree or disagree: Teachers should be paid as much as lawyers,
doctors, and business leaders are paid.

2) Do you compose the essay using MS word? It is good at catching the spelling errors
and simple grammatical mistakes.I would recommend you to use such tool.

~Gray.
_________________
First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English

[Raki]

Hi Gray,
Thanks for your advice. Sorry about that.
I have corrected spelling error and checked grammar already.
I would be appreciative if you could point out another mistake.
Please~
thanks again,

Raki

[Gray]

Hi Raki,

I would need to go through the whole essay to understand the topic and your presentation and then I would be able to make some improvements in it. If it comes
to essay, there are many things that matter apart from the spelling and grammatical mistakes:

1) how effectively you present the topic - the content
2) how do you organize it - its cohesiveness and structure

I would take a day or two to review it, meanwhile you can google some of the sentences, you have doubt about, to see if they are really used by writers around the world.

~Gray.
_________________
First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English

[Happytofita]

Try not to wander in expression and try to be clear. Imagine that you are writing to a kid. Try to simplify things as much as possible.

Good luck.

[Raki]

Thanks Gray,
I would remember those tips, and I would practice more and more.

[Raki]

Hi Happytofita,
Thank you veeeeeeery much for checking and modify my essay.
It is very useful for me, because words are very precisely in you used.
Thanks a million.

[Gray]

Hi Raki,

Few more corrections I can see here:

1) Some people advocate (not advocated) that teachers are of fundamental
importance to any country.

2) Sentences such as this - "In the following paragraphs, I will give reasons and
provide evidence to support my view.", should not be part of the essay as your
objective itself is to write on the given topic. It adds nothing to the essay.

3) I am trying to rephrase the second paragraph:
Not all aspects of teacher's responsibilities are considered while paying him.
Teaching is one of the fundamental jobs where we expect teacher to not only
take care of child's studies but also his or her overall social and mental growth.
Hence the teacher has to play the role of psychologist as well and he is under
huge amount of pressure to perform well.

4) Well, I like the forth paragraph you wrote: (Last but not least, teachers instill
knowledge into...) It is really impressive.

5) I am trying to conclude the essay:
To conclude, the salary of teachers should reflect the importance of imbibing the
human values in the generations to come. And it should not go understated.

~Gray.
_________________
First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English