TOEFL® essay: Television is doing irreparable harm

[Aryam]

I gree with this issu for Three reasons:

As we know television has many advantage and desadvantages . Firstly television is the most important source of informations about what is happening in the world. It's always been occupied our spare time, like enjoy civilised pleasures of watching all about diferent demains, also we use it to enjoy our time.
Secondly, although we consider television as an important thing but in some cases it leaves bad marks, specialy children who are easily influenced by watching rubbishy commercials, or brutal cartoons in futur may steal or kill people because thier brains are young and believe everything that they watch, i, addition, absence of parents controle make them behave as they are free to watch what they want.
Thirdly, finaly even television is an important thing, but it stops people talking to each other, a,d theif our time also family don't communicate thier feeling and don't exchange impressions , as well people are free to watch television or not . It's free choice, also we can compensate it by reading books that can increase our intelegence or just get programmes guide and select what we want to watch.
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This is my first essay and I hope it won't be bad