SAT® essay practice: What motivates people to change?

[Ncrimson12]

Assignment: What motivates people to change? Plan and write an essay...

here goes. i did it timed.

In life, people often face obstacles at one point or another, and most will find it a requirement to change in order to have better chances of overcoming the obstacle. Change also gives us a chance to obtain better results in such a scenario. In many aspects of our lives, the desire for success and survival is what motivates people to change in order to overcome these obstacles.

Change is necessary if people want to seek a higher standard of living. By accepting change, people seek new methods to test or implement and new innovations can be made. Inventing new technology gives us more comfort in our lives. For instance, the Industrial Revolution allowed for development in transport via the steam-engine, increased production of goods and services with motorized factory operations. However, detractors argue that change does not necessarily benefit us. For instance the development of nuclear technology poses a security and possible environmental threat to many countries today. While this is true, we should look at the big picture. Although it is always a gamble of success or failure when we adopt change, if the effects of change are well thought-through beforehand, then the probability of change harming us instead of benefiting us will be smaller.

In addition, people change also because by embracing change, they can experience different aspects of life in wider variety. For instance, instead of driving the same car for a decade, if one were to change his car every few yeaers, he gets various experiences from driving different cars. However, detractors argue that this form of change will lead to the unnecessary wastage of the Earth's limited resources, as well as using them up faster. While this is true, we cannot ignore the fact that the notion of variety adds flavor to our life. For instance, the thought of wearing the same clothes everyday for your whole life feels dull and boring. Also, although change does result in wastage, it does not necessarily lead to large amounts of wastage. People can engage in change but not lead to large amounts of wastage. By keeping in mind to conserve our limited resources, change need not be detrimental to the environment around us.

In conclusion, change allows people to experience different results in the activities that concern it. Change, if thought through carefully, is able to benefit us in our experiences in life.

my notes: i realise that i've gone off topic, but whatever. please mark it the SAT way thanks.

[Gauravjainxp]

Dude i dont think this is good for you to get your essays scored like this. this job is reserved for experts. Try ask eperts who can not only point out your mistakes but also suggest you the ways to improve.

Try this out

http://sat.learnhub.com/lesson/page/8534-ask-the-experts

Hope that helps

[Cyrus]

hi people i doing ielts i want a sample assay on the following topic what motivates people to change

[Nwnjx]

Does anyone know where I can have an English teacher or native to correct and give feedback on my essays? Thanks! :D

[Alanator993]

I would give this essay a 3. The problems that i see in this essay and things you can do better on are:
- Voabulary words. You should include some fancy words; After reading a 100+ essays, a word that will stick out to the reader will give you an advantage
-Offtopic (writer's block)- The points you are making are correct, however I think you were suffering from writer's block while doing the essay, thus you went off topic. Let the reader know that you're views are relevant to the essay.
- You should make the beginning and conclusion stronger. The best way to practice this is by reading books, and writing an essay on what you wrote.

If you want me to read another essay, you can pm me.

[Beeesneees]

Alanator, I disagree with a great many of the things you say here. I think you are misguided in your criticism.
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Nwnjx, If you post your essay in the appropriate forum on this site then it will be reviewed by a native speaker who will give feedback.Take care to select the appropriate forum, start a new thread for your essay, and give the thread subject a meaningful title or there is a possibility that it will get overlooked.
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Ncrimson12:
I hope that this is a little more constructive than Alanator's comments:

In life, people often face obstacles at one point or another, and most will find it a requirement (I would use 'necessary to' here) to change in order to have better chances of overcoming the obstacle. Change also gives us a chance to obtain better results in such a scenario. In many aspects of our lives, the desire for success and survival is what motivates people to change in order to overcome these obstacles.

Change is necessary if people want to seek a higher standard of living. By accepting change, people seek new methods to test or implement and new innovations can be made. Inventing new technology gives us more comfort in our lives. For instance, the Industrial Revolution allowed for development in transport via the steam-engine , and increased production of goods and services with motorized factory operations. However, detractors argue that change does not necessarily benefit us. For instance the development of nuclear technology poses a security and possible environmental threat to many countries today. While Whilst this is true, we should look at the big picture. Although it is always a gamble of success or failure when we adopt change, if the effects of change are well thought-through beforehand, then the probability of change harming us instead of benefiting us will be smaller.

In addition, people change also because by embracing change, they can experience different aspects of life in wider variety ("they can experience a wider variety of aspects of life"). For instance, instead of driving the same car for a decade, if one were to change his car every few yeaers years - check for typos carefully, as they can lose you marks!, he gets one would get (keep the pronoun the same throughout the sentence) various experiences from driving different cars. However, detractors argue that this form of change will lead to the unnecessary wastage of the Earth's limited resources, as well as using them up faster. While Whilst this is true, we cannot ignore the fact that the notion of variety adds flavor to our life. For instance, the thought of wearing the same clothes everyday for your whole life feels dull and boring. Also, although change does result in wastage, it does not necessarily lead to large amounts of wastage. People can engage in change but not lead to large amounts of wastage. By keeping in mind the need to conserve our limited resources, change need not be detrimental to the environment around us.

In conclusion, change allows people to experience different results in the activities that concern it. Do you mean 'in the activities upon which the changes impact?Change, if thought through carefully, is able to benefit us in our experiences in life.
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Not a bad effort. The grammar and punctuation are good, though the content suffers a little from 'waffle' and repetition. You are obviously aware of this weakness as you indicated it in your own notes.
Try to ensure that each paragraph deals in detail with a different point. A good rule of thumb is that the opening sentence of a paragraph should provide the main point on which you are going to expand in the rest of the paragraph.
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Cheers m' dears!

[Alanator993]

Beeesneees, I don't understand why you are comparing my advice to yours, making my advice uncounstructive. I actually wrote what he/she can do to perform better on future essays. My "criticism" wasn't "criticism", it was just advice for him/her that the person can use.