TOEFL® Essay: Choose one of the following transportation vehicles

[Manakapa]

This is my first essay for TOEFL preparation. Could you please tell me my mistakes and how I can improve my writing. Thank you in advance

Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people's lives. Automobiles, bicycles and airplanes. Use specific reasons and examples to support you opinion.

All of the vehicles – bicycle, automobiles and airplanes changed people’s lives dramatically. According to me the latter has biggest impact for several reasons, such as saving time and changing the way we connect.
Airplanes as way of transportation in my opinion changes the most human life in several directions. Major quality of that vehicle is that it allows you to reach opposite parts of the world in just several hours. This brings the change people do business, it brings international cooperation and it connects families, that are separated by far distances.
Several years ago flying was quite expensive, but thanks to low-budget fly companies you could go from Bulgaria to England just for 20$. So it saves you not only precious time, you could spend seeing the historical sites, but you could do it cheaper than before.
On the contrary it’s a major case of air pollution and there is the recent fear of terrorist attacks. Despite these negative illustrations, statistics shows that flying is safe way to travel, compared with car travel. Another plus is that there is no chance for you to stuck in a traffic, although you could spend a lot of times in airports.
In conclusion I could say that even though all the negative aspects of airplanes, they are the fastest, reasonable priced and comfortable way to travel for a long distance trips.

[Darkangel12891]

All of the vehicles – bicycle, automobiles and airplanes HAVE changed people’s lives dramatically. According to me( DON’T USE THIS) the latter has ITS biggest impactS for several reasons such as saving time and changing the way we ARE connectING.
Airplanes as A way of transportation in my opinion change(s) MOSTLY THE human life in(I’M NOT SURE WHETHER IT’S IN OR FOR) several directions(I THINK REASONS IS MORE SUITABLE). ONE OF AIRPLANES’S REMARKABLE ADVANTAGES IS THAT it allows US to reach DIFFIRENT parts of the world in just several hours. This brings the change TO people doING business, SUPPORTS THE international cooperation AND it ALSO connects FAMILY MEMBER TOGETHER, which are separated by far distances.
IN THE PAST, flying was SOMETHING quite expensive, but thanks to low-budget fly companies THAT ALLOW US TO go from Bulgaria to England WITH just 20$. THUS, AIRPLANES IS NOT ONLY saves YOUR precious time, you could spend seeing the historical sites, but you could do it cheaper than before.(PROBLEM WITH THIS SENTENCE’S MEANING)
On the contrary it’s a major FACTOR CAUSING air pollution and there is DANGEROUSLY the recent fear of terrorist attacks. Despite these negative illustrations, statistics shows that, COMPARED WITH CAR, flying is A safe way FOR TRAVELING. Another plus is that YOU WON’T GET STUCK WHEN TRAVELLING BY AIRPLANES EVEN IF you CAN spend a lot of times in airports.
In conclusion I WOULD say that IN SPITE OF all the negative aspects of airplanes, AIRPLANES IS the fastest AND reasonable price, BESIDES, IT IS ALSO A comfortable way to travel for a long distance trips.

My recommendation is that you should show the airplanes contradiction because this kind of question has just required you to point out its advantage only.^^. I don’t really know if my correction is correct. But, I am appreciated for your essay.

[Manakapa]

thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.

[Gray]

[Manakapa]

thank you Gray. This was my first essay and I appreciate the advice.

[Olivia]

this is the fourth time I wrote an essay on this forum,hope you check it and comment.
With the developing of society,people made various fast transportation vehicles to travel efficiently around the world. Some people think that bicycles and automobiles changed their lives,while, in my opinion, I think airplanes completely change our lives There are two main reasons why I have this preference.

First, we became more open than before. Because of its fast speed, we can easily travel to different regions or areas. For example, it took people several years to get from South America to Aisa prior to the invention of airplane.Today, it only takes about twelve hours to get to the same place. As a result, it is a more efficient form of transportation than any other.

Secondly, with the widespread use of the airplane, it's more convenient to communicate each other .We are easy to making a decision to work far away from our family,because we needn't worry about wasting too much time on the road when be back home .Moreover, the interaction between different people is changed into a more efficient way that we can move around different cities quickly to attend conference or collaborate with other company.

In a conclusion,it's undenied a fact that airplane have improved the quality of our lives, it becomes more and more indispensible to us.We can't imagine how to live without airplane,needless to say,it has chaneged our lives and is a symbol of the modern era.

[Gray]

Hi Olivia,

Here are few suggestions:

'I think', 'In my opinion', 'I have'
this makes it sound like a speech instead of an essay, avoid involving you in it.

'it's undenied a fact that' - 'it is an undeniable fact that'

Spellings like 'indispensable'

You should have few more supporting points, as what you have written is inadequate.
_________________
First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English

[Olivia]

Thank you Gray. I really appreciate you .I will take my test on 21th Feb ,but i am weak at speaking and writing part,how to improve them in two weeks ? thanks.

[Darkangel12891]

Here is my essay.^^. please gray or others who good at english can help me.
Choose one of the following transportation vehicles and explain why you think it has changed people's lives. Automobiles, bicycles and airplanes. Use specific reasons and examples to support you opinion.

Over the past decade, with the development of technology, people are step by step updating their way of transportation. Even though each kind of transportation has its own advantages, I would rather think that bicycles have affected our life as if we can easily move in the big cities and its affection to our health.
Firstly, bicycles help people to save time. It’s undeniable that the more our world economy develops the more valuable the time takes consequentially. Let’s imagine that you are living a big city in which snarls-up happen normally at the rush hours that cars can’t go on but bicycles. That’s why many films seen before have showed that corps regularly use bicycle as a way to pursue robbers in many crowed streets in the USA or a number of big cities all over the world.

At another aspect, bicycles make our life romantically. It’s obviously seen that almost love story along with bicycles as its symbol of romanticism. What is a nice scene if a couple goes through the dawn on their bicycle? To illustrate this, “full house” is one of the most reputable films made by BI RAIN. This film is a love story between a super star and a normal girl but they seemed happy when living together. However, what has affected me mostly is the time they rode on their bicycle and oversleeped later. Thus, I would say that bicycle is a symbol of love and romanticism. Besides, with the people who are incapable to buy car, bicycle is the most efficient solution for its suitable price and quality.

The last but not least, people are required to ride bicycle regularly because this can assist them in avoiding dangerous diseases such as cancer, cardiovascular diseases ,etc. Furthermore, children who are in period of development should ride bicycle every day to stretch their bone which can make them taller.

In conclusion, indeed, bicycle has helped human daily life a lot so that we should focus on innovating as we can ride bicycle easier and faster.

[Darkangel12891]

Hey krisis, i will check you essay soon.^^.

[Gray]

Olivia,

If you are comfortable with reading and listening, you have won the half battle. Coming to the writing, I would say it is good to draw upon your experiences. Make writing an habit. Even, involving yourself in the conversations on this forum adds a lot.

For speaking, talking with yourself silently at first and then with others helps a lot. The most important thing we don't notice is the fifth skill in learning a language - thinking. So, think in English too

Good luck.
_________________
First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English

[Gray]