TOEFL® essay: Distance learning and online computer classes should replace...

[Vesonet]

TOEFL ESSAY
Hello Folks. Here is my essay. I would like to attend toefl test and it will be great if you
can help me with my essays. Here is one...

I will be glad if you can check it for mistakes?
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Do you agree or disagree? Distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning?

( Essay )

Have you ever tried to have a relationship via your personal computer? Do you really think that a person can have a real relationship without knowing the person to the other side of the internet connection? I do not. We are human beings and we must talk to each other directly and be able to express our emotions without the help of computers.

It is the same when we should learn something. It is better to have the possibility to talk to your teacher or professor directly, in person. Distance learning and online computer classes cannot replace the classroom. Yes, it has certain benefits of online classes, but you will never be able to behave in the way the man should be. The person has emotions, expressions and they should be seen, the computer screen and the speakers are false to be used for this purpose.

Online computer classes have advantages that cannot be denied. Some students cannot afford to be at the university because of different circumstances like lack of resources, money, time and so on. They can use and have these benefits of distance learning, but that should not be the way that every student studies.

The classroom is the regular source of teaching and learning what you are interested in. The classroom is the place where you can speak to the audience, express what you mean and want, be the person who you are. It costs more than distance learning but in this way you will be able to interact with your friends, colleges in person, you can laugh, have a good time and learn much more from the setting you are in.

We are human beings and I think that the progress in electronics, IT, computers and other contemporary things should not prevent us from being humans. We must tolerate studying in the classrooms and trying to cut down on using computers, because they also have their bad sides.

TOEFL listening discussions: A conversation between two students (1)

[Gray]

1) Use of 'we are human beings' multiple times is unnecessary.

2) Though not incorrect, this is an artificial language -
'I think that the progress in electronics, IT, computers and other contemporary things should not prevent us from being humans'

3) The conclusion should make a lasting impact on the reader's mind. This is not the conclusive tone -
'We must tolerate studying in the classrooms and trying to cut down on using computers, because they also have their bad sides.'
_________________
First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English

[Olivia]

Hi,Gray, can you check the essay for me ? thank you very very much.
Do you agree or disagree? Distance learning and online computer classes should replace classroom learning?
In morden society, people tends to study via various methods, some people would like to study in the classroom ,while others prefer to learn at distance and online classes.With the development of techenology ,more and more people participate online classes and some of them point out that distance learning and online computer should substitude traditional classroom learning ,however, in my poinion ,both methods of studying are indispensible for people,trditional studying in classroom can never be insteaded .
On one hand, tradiontional studying in the classroom requires people attend class at school,it is a more convenient enviornment for students to study in groups. when people study in the classroom, they can communicate with other students, and maybe have opportunities to get more efficient experiences to enhance their grades .Moreover,they can face to face to talk with teachers about their lessons ,and instantly clarify the requirments what teacher want them to do .Besieds these,studying in classroom facilitate people to regular their schedule on courses or lessions , and make many new freinds at the school.
On contray, altough studying online attracts people by saving time on road or scheduling courses in convenient time , it still need to refine the teaching effects. for example , when people studying online courses at home ,eventhough it's a very quiet enviornment for him,but sometimes it's a hard task for individuals to complete a difficult question .Furthermore, if people maybe choose different time to study online , the teacher can not always wait for them at the distance courses, as a result, people have to emial to professor when they want to comment some contents in the lessions.Needless to say, getting message is not as far as instantly that talking directly to the professor.
All in all , people should make a dicision on their study methods according to their particular situation and take advantage of the vrious media of studying . they could Learn some really specifical courses through taking part in classes at school,because group studying and teacher instructing make it easy to understand . In addition, they also probably could study other courses online to save moretime to do otherthings ,such as working or travelling..

[Gray]

Olivia, this is yours :)

1) Avoid incorrect verb forms

'people tend to' instead of 'people tends to'
If subject is plural, no need to append 's' to the verb.

2) Avoid improper usage

'people like' instead of 'people would like'.

3) Avoid long sentences, they disguise the meaning.

"With the development of techenology ,more and more people participate online classes and some of them point out that distance learning and online computer should substitude traditional classroom learning ,however, in my poinion ,both methods of studying are indispensible for people,trditional studying in classroom can never be insteaded ."
THIS IS TOO LONG AND THIS ONE SENTENCE ALONE HAS SIX SPELLING MISTAKES !

In brief, the essay has sufficient supporting points discussed but it lacks the spelling and grammatical correctness.
_________________
First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English

[Olivia]

[Gray]

Olivia,

A lot of supporting points cannot be an excuse for spelling and grammar mistakes. Rather, correctness comes first.

The willingness to improve should reflect everywhere -- wherever we write. Why can't we start by always capitalizing the word 'I' ? :)
_________________
First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English

[Olivia]

[Gray]

Yes, correctness requires you to study hard and to be disciplined in everything you do.
_________________
First lesson - English, not english. I, not i. ~A student of English