 #1 (permalink) Wed Feb 25, 2009 18:56 pm TOEFL essay: Some people spend their entire lives in one place, and some moves... |
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Hi Torsten:
My name is maryam and I am trying to get the score of 4-5 in toefl (essay).
I took the test several times and always short 2 or 3 scores. would you be able to check some of my essays to find out what I might be doing wrong, because I couldn't find out what are my mistakes or what I am not following correctly.I will like to send you some of my essay for corrections (if you are willing to help me).
the titel for the 1st one is:Which do you prefer living in the city or village?
the title for the 2nd one is: people arel living longer now, discuss the cause of this phenomen.
the title for the 3rd one is:some people spend their entire lives in one place, and some moves several times for better jobs or etc, which one do you prefer?
When I was younger, I always liked to live and grow up in the village. But when I become older I realized that living in the city is the one that I longed for and that is a better place to raise the children. The following paragraphs will support my idea.
One of the most important reasons that I believe raising children in the city is preferable to raising them in the countryside is: having more opportunities to progress. In other words, being in the city will have more attractions for young generation compared to the village. That means in the city there are not only more chances to obtain a good education, but also are more possibilities to get a decent job. Therefore, one will be more pleased to raise their children in the places that have numerous factors for their childrens future.
Besides having more chances to prosper in the big city, there is another reason that raising child in the city is preferable compared to the countryside, which is access to meet the emergency situation. To be clear, there is no doubt that in the city there are more accommodates and places for emergency occasions. Therefore, when there is a medical crisis in a family, people will easily call 911, or ask for an ambulance. As a result, that family will receive an immediate help for their issue, which will never easily happen in a remote countryside.
In the summary, I must say that I am an advocate of raising children in the city rather than in the countryside, because there are more opportunities to have a prosperous future in the city rather than country, such as better education or better jobs. Also, there is a safe access to emergency assistance in the time of needs, which is less plausible in the countryside.
I love to raise my children in the city!
In the past centuries longevity of human being was short. When we compare our modern age to the ancient era, there is no doubt that there is a remarkable difference in life span. In other words, people in our contemporary age live longer. The following paragraphs will support this idea.
One of the most important reasons that people are living longer now is that they receive sufficient educations about their health systems. In other words, people are prone to know how to become healthier, therefore live longer. As a result, one will try to search about healthier foods and change his eating habit toward the safer methods in order to live longer. Not only food has a considerable impact on the longevity of human being, but also, life style has an important effect too. That means, nowadays people will change their life style in order to become healthier and safe and sound for a longer time. Therefore they choose to purchase organic foods , or they rather to do more exercise, and finally they adjust their sleeping time for reasonable hours.
Additionally, in our contemporary age, people are quite open-minded to be in contact with their physicians. Therefore, with the close communication with their health provider, they are able to monitor their health systems efficiently, then live for a longer time.
In summary, I must say that in our modern age, people are eager to follow the truth about their health more often than before. Therefore, by receiving more knowledge and educations they try to change their life styles toward healthier way. Also, people are in close contacts with their health providers in order to be in a safer method of living. As a result they will live longer than people in the past centuries.
I love to live for a long time
When I was younger, I always liked to stay in the same hometown that I was born. But as I grew up, I realized that staying at the same place for long time is not something I will long for. I use the following paragraphs to support this idea.
One of the most important reasons that I prefer moving to a new place instead of staying in one place is; having more opportunities for a prosperous life. That means people by searching different locations are able to find a decent place to live. That could not only be close to their workplace, but also could be worthwhile (price-wise). In fact, there will be numerous options for progress. Such as, more colleges, universities, schools, and so forth. Therefore, by searching the favorite place to live (which will be in their budget), and evaluating the benefits that the new area will offer; people will step forward for a profitable life.
Additionally, by moving from one place to another place; one is able to see the real world. Therefore, it will be better chance to receive a close observation about variety of lives. It is well taken that if a person experiences something by himself, instead of taking a granted by others; there will be a tangible and understandable result for that person. As a result, by moving toward different places, and see pros and cons; one will be able to decide what place to choose to make a decent life.
In summary, I must say that I support the idea of moving from one place to another place for jobs, location and community and so forth, instead of staying in one place because people will be able to make a better live (by choosing from varieties). Also, they will be able to get close touch from different communities. Thus, by evaluating the advantages and disadvantages of numerous locations, they will choose the place that they like the most.
I love to move from one place to another to find a better life! |
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Riteaid5227
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Joined: 24 Feb 2009
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