TOEFL® essay: Good jobs always need a good ability in any person.

[Go Hard Or Go Home]

Hello every one.. hope all enjoy studying English as I do.

this is my first topic here in this forum. hopefully, I can get as much as I can of information.

In addition, I need someone who could assessment me in my writing skill. recently, I wrote an essay regarding if we should study mathematics and other language more than music and arts to get a good career in your live.

this's my essay :

Good jobs always need a good ability in any person. That why we should learn a wide rang of subjects while we are studying in school, to find out what we are good at and what career we should follow. These days everything is becoming difficult especially find a good job. Companies, organization and government jobs need special skills to get a good job with a good salary. We should know what sort of skills we need them to improve them in our children.

In my opinion, we need to focus on subjects rather than others, especially in our elementary schools. Mathematics as an example, we need that subject all our lives and it’s a compulsory subjects if you want become a doctor, engineer, pilot, or a computer programmer. In fact, all these careers have written above are very good jobs. In addition, mathematics doesn’t help us just to deal with numbers, but it does teach us how can we think, organize our lives and to be creative. Now we are in global age and the world become smaller and smaller. Everyone should be bilingual at least. To communicate with another culture you need to know their language.

On the other hand, we shouldn’t study subjects like Art and Music as much as we do. In fact, we should put them as elective subjects. Companies will not ask you if you can play piano or can pant unless they want somebody who can do that. In my experience I studied Art for nine years but till now I’ve never used it or anyone asked me if I could paint something.

To sum up, jobs these days need a good ability, good skills and good knowledge in specific subjects such as mathematics and studying a foreign language. We should keep focusing on these subjects if we need a good career. Subjects like Art and Music are needed but not as much as mathematics or foreign language.

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could you estimate how much should I take out of 9 ?

[Go Hard Or Go Home]

Wow , it's been two days since I put this topic but no body commint!!!

[Gregduane]

Thare are two topics related to your essay:

1. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is more important for students to study history and literature than it is for them to study science and mathematics. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
2. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? All students should be required to study art and music in secondary school. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

You must tell us which topic you have chosen because different essay topics have different requiremnts.

gregduane

[Go Hard Or Go Home]

thank you gregduane for your comment. I am sorry I forgot to write the question for that essay

this is the question:

It is more important today to have good jobs to study mathematics and another languages rather than Are and music , Do you agree or disagree?

[Gregduane]

Hi,

I don't think there is a topic like the one you wrote. The sentence in the topic is ungrammatical. Please make sure that you have the correct topic.
Thanks.