TOEFL® essay sample: Personal development

[Thunu]

Hello everybody

I'm writing some essays. This is my first one with the topic "Personal development". I think my composition makes many mistakes that I don't know. So I hope I'll receive the help of all of you. Please correct my mistakes if you find it. Thank you!

Have you ever thought about personal development? Have you ever mentioned the question what the personal development is and how we must do to improve ourselves? They’re not easy questions to answer.

At first, we’ll find out the answers for the first question: what is the personal development?
Reminisce about our tender ages. When we are children, our parents taught us how to do everything by ourselves; example how to feed ourselves, to do personal hygiene, to express our love to everybody and how to stand up when we tripped and fell down… It’s the first lesson in personal development. Therefore, we can comprehend the concept of personal development. It’s the act of raising the knowledge and realizing ourselves, develop the talent and potentiality. All of the specific fields of personal development aim the improvement of our heart, emotion and mind.
Another question is that do we need personal development?
I believe all of us will answer “yes” when we take this question. Why?
I can say that life always changes and life won’t be comfortable if you don’t do anything for it. Do you feel life creates you or otherwise? Have you ever felt empty in your life? Have you ever tried to change your life but nothing has happended? If yes, that means you need personal development and it’s time for you to improve yourself.

The second, how we must do to improve ourselves?
We may all know the famous saying of Rene Descartes, a French philosopher, methematician, scientist in 17th century: thinking means existing.
All of what you need to do is that realizing yourself, changing yourself and continue to move. All of what you need is only thinking. Thinking means the maneuver of your thought and visibility. Thinking helps us to exist, be admitted and recognized. If we don't innovate ourselves, we won't catch up with life's change and as a result, we will be rejected.


There is a story about Realizing myself I want to tell you.

There is a saying on the wall in the temple that worship the Apollon deity. It says Realize myself. It means human needs to think "What am I? What must I be? What can I be?" And Socrates, a Hellenic philosopher, carries a lantern lightened by the handle, walking everywhere among the crowd in the daytime.
People ask him: "What do you find?"
He answers " Find human"
Everybody is surprised at why he found human with a lightened lantern in the daytime.
It means that If you don't realize yourself, you'll be the same as the person that Socrates had to carry the lightened lantern to find in the daytime.
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Reach an agreement as ploughing, don't let argument happen at crops.

[Kitosdad]

[Thunu]

Hi Kitosdad
Thank you very much for correcting my mistakes. I hope I won't reiterate these mistakes anymore.

Many thanks again

Thu
_________________
Reach an agreement as ploughing, don't let argument happen at crops.