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TOEFL® essay: The Advantage of living in a big city



 
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TOEFL essay: The Advantage of living in a big city #1 (permalink) Tue Apr 07, 2009 1:44 am   TOEFL essay: The Advantage of living in a big city
 

The Advantage of living in a big city
Nowadays, most young people prefer to live in a big city because of the following advantages: convenience, improve knowledge, and career development. First, living in a big city is very convenient. People can afford essential things for life such as: clothes, furniture and health care. In addition, living in a big city has almost everything, for instance services people’s life: schools, banks, hospitals, bus, undergrounds, trade centers, convenient traffic... For example, when you have an emergency or a serious disease in a big city you can easy find any hospital near a place you live and take a short time to get there. Second, advantage of living in a big city is helping you improve your knowledge. Living in a big city you can communicate with many people and learn many different cultures from them. For example, if you live with neighbor who is Chinese, Indian or Korean, you can learn a lot from their culture. Moreover, a big city has more opportunity to choose a good and famous school. The last advantage of living in a big city is developing your career. Furthermore, a big city has more opportunity to find good job with high salary because there are a large number of companies, corporations, businesses... in a big city. In conclusion, living in a big city very convenience, improve your knowledge and develop career.

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Shradaq
New Member


Joined: 07 Apr 2009
Posts: 9

TOEFL essay: The Advantage of living in a big city #2 (permalink) Tue Apr 07, 2009 6:58 am   TOEFL essay: The Advantage of living in a big city
 

Hello, Shradaq! I tried to correct your paragraph but take into consideration that my english is far from perfection, so you'd better wait for a teacher's reply here :) But I think I made mostly right corrections.

"The Advantage of living in a big city
Nowadays, most young people prefer to live in a big city because of the following advantages: convenience, an opportunity to improve your knowledge, and career development. First, living in a big city is very convenient. People can afford essential things for life such as: clothes, furniture and health care. In addition, living in a big city has almost everything, for instance, services for people’s life: schools, banks, hospitals, bus, undergrounds, trade centers, convenient traffic... For example, when you have an emergency or a serious disease in a big city you can easily find any hospital near a place you live and it will take a short time to get there. Second, living in a big city helps you improve your knowledge. You can communicate with many people and learn many different cultures from them. For example, if you live with neighbour who is Chinese, Indian or Korean, you can learn a lot from their culture. Moreover, a big city has more opportunities to choose a good and famous school. The last advantage of living in a big city is developing your career. Furthermore, a big city has more opportunities to find a good job with high salary because there are large number of companies, corporations, businesses... In conclusion, living in a big city is very convenient, helps to improve your knowledge and develop career."

Edit:
"services for people’s life" - not sure if this is correct.
"bus" - maybe "buses"? I'm not sure if this word has a plural form. I think it must have.
"convenient traffic" - I really don't like how this sounds.
"there are large number of companies" - maybe there must be an article before "number", but I'm not sure, so I deleted it.
Jimwth
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Joined: 01 Apr 2009
Posts: 58
Location: Russian Federation, Moscow

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Please help me correct my paragraph. Im very thankful #3 (permalink) Tue Apr 07, 2009 8:07 am   Please help me correct my paragraph. Im very thankful
 

Shradaq, I have to go and help my friend this morning. If nobody has edited your text by the time I return, then I will be happy to do so.

Until later, Kitosdad.
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Kitosdad
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TOEFL essay: The Advantage of living in a big city #4 (permalink) Tue Apr 07, 2009 11:50 am   TOEFL essay: The Advantage of living in a big city
 

The advantages of living in a big city.

Living in a big city offers many advantages over living in a town or village. Most things, on the whole, are far better organised and readily available.

For example; The huge stores offer a tremendous range of goods, which you would not find elsewhere.

Public services, trains, buses and planes are ever close at hand. Hospitals and emergency services are but a phone call away, and are all very efficient.

Education is catered for by better equipped schools and Universities. Museums and Libraries are also a great source of education, and should not be overlooked. Also there are usually many forms of freely available educational leaflets and pamphlets, along with evening classes.

The metropolitan nature of most cities also introduces you to the many customs and cultures of people from other lands.

Career opportunities abound in the city, thanks to the presence of many huge corporations and international businesses.

In conclusion. If one wants to better their chances of a better environment in which to progress their careers, then the city is the place to be.
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Kitosdad
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Location: ESSEN, Germany, (but English.)

TOEFL essay: The Advantage of living in a big city #5 (permalink) Mon Jun 01, 2009 11:35 am   TOEFL essay: The Advantage of living in a big city
 

My English is not good but i would like to learn English. Now i am entered in a course to improve my English. My teacher offer me to write one topic for each lesson. I have really done it by my best but she always criticizes about it. I feel so bad. Could you help me to write essay more better? thank you very much!
this is my essay: please check it for me!
Advantages and disadvantages of living in a big city.

Nowadays, most of young people prefer to live in big cities. So which place is better to live? Let’s think about them.
What are the advantages when you live in a big city? In my opinion, there are a lot of advantages such as: convenience, an opportunity to improve your knowledge and developing career.
In a big city has every thing you want. There are a lot of trade centers which you to buy the essential things for life such as: clothes, furniture and foods which have high standard and good for health. Working in a big city, you are usually tensed by pressures of work after day you can go to the entertainment centers for relax or walk around the parks where are interesting places and bring our to refresh. You also take a short time to get there because the public transport is quite good. You can go any where by bus, train, plane…Specially, if you have an emergency or diseases you will easily find any hospital in the city near your place.
On the other hand, living in a big city people have a lot chances to improve your knowledge. There are a lot of famous schools and university for you to learn. Indeed, in a big city have many people come from countries. You will not only learn their language but also know well about many different cultures from their activities day. This is very good for you! Last but not need, in a big city has a lot of companies, corporations and businesses… they bring for you a lot of opportunities to find a good job with high salary. A better working environment will support for your promotion in the future.
To sum up, I would like to say that living in a big city has many advantages. I’ll stay here till I retire when I would like to go another place to have a rest. Do you think that?
best regard!
QUYNH ANH
(from VIET NAM)
Pmoon
I'm new here and I like it ;-)


Joined: 31 May 2009
Posts: 23

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