TOEFL® essay: Some people think that children should begin their formal education

[Minnie.Mouse]

Some people think that children should begin their formal education at a very early age and should spend most of their time on school studies. Others believe that young children should spend most of their time playing. Compare these two views. Which view do you agree with? Why?

Every parent’s dream is to see their children becoming a successful person and working a highly-paid job. Some of these people believe that the only way for their children to reach their goals and fulfill their dreams is by studying very hard from an early age. It may be true that without hard work, success is impossible to achieve, but I think that the children should spend their childhood playing games with their peers.
On the one hand, children who are spending most of their time on school studies may later regret that they have not spent their childhood adequately. Moreover, if the children are deprived of enjoyment and fun and are forced only to study, they may find the school painful and torturing. I strongly believe that overloading the children with information, such as arithmetic formula, foreign languages and chemical equations, may be damaging for their physical development and personality. Having exams and tests, may be very stressful for the little children and as a result they may begin to detest the educational system.
On the other hand, playing could also be a learning process. It is needless to say, that many children are very creative and dexterous and these qualities could be developed only on the playground together with other boys and girls. When the children have the freedom and independence to discover the secrets of the world, they also learn how to deal with different problems. For instance, if you let a child to open his fruit juice by himself, it would be a great pleasure for him to see that he has succeeded. At school, the children are brainwashed and their imagination is oppressed by the useless information which is given every single day. While playing with other children, kids can practically learn a lot of new things- how to cooperate with others and how to form friendships. Moreover, they can learn important lessons, when seeing the mistakes of the others.
In conclusion, I would say that it is better for the children to play with other kids or toys, while they are still young enough to enjoy it fully. Playing is an important part of every person’s life as it helps us to develop physically and mentally healthy. However, when children reach school age the best solution for them is to start gaining knowledge that would be useful for their future.


Thank you in advance

[Kitosdad]

Minnie, you are turning out some great essays. I could only find two superfluous words in the whole text. Believe me, I do give all essays a thorough examination.

I'm not at my nit-picking best today, but anyway, " It is "........... could have been omitted. In fact this could have even improved your vocal stature.

Also, a few missing commas, for added effect.

Nevertheless, a corker of an essay.
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