TOEFL® essay: In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its...

[Xixinh]

Hi all,

I am xixinh and my Toefl IBT test will be on the end of this June.
However, my writing skill is still very low.

Thus, I post this one in this forum and you please correct its ideas and grammar/languages.
I am very appreciated about that.

This is my writing:
Topic:
In your country, is there more need for land to be left in its natural condition or is there more need for land to be developed for housing and industrial?
Use specific reason and examples to support your answer.

Writing:
Land is one of the natural precious sources of every country in the world. Those countries governments need to consider careful before deciding where its land to be left for natural condition or to be developed for housing and industrial. In my opinion, this valuable source should use for natural condition more because this way will protect the environment, give a big chance for animal living and it also help people lives healthier.

First of all, there are many serious phenomenon happened to our green planet’s environment. They are global warming, desertification and polluted places, all those problems are caused by the rapid developing housing and industrial. That phenomenon will be decreased if we consider more land to use for naturalization. For instant, we save land for the zoo where people can come there to study about wildlife or enjoy at weekend and its place grow many plants inside it give the oxygen and being slow down the pollution. Our Earth has more and more place for natural condition; it will bring better life for human and animals.

Second, every creative in the world has right to survive, not because of land for human necessity, people let other category of animals to near extinction. The best way to protect others is left land in natural condition. It is including lands for raising the parks, the zoos in the city and cultivation in countryside where wildlife can survive.

Thirdly, we just image about housing and industrial locations will be wider and wider, its waste water from factories to the rivers, polluted smoke from those firm to the air. How dangerous our standard living condition! There is factory is located near my city, it ravage the whole brand of the big river because its waste water. And averaging that every family at that place has one person is cancel. Thus, the land for housing and industrial should be considered after thinking carefully its affect to human healthiness.

In short, developing housing and industrial also bring us some advantages in near future. However, we foresee further ten year, land for natural condition will let people healthier, wildlife broader and environment better. Those reasons bring convenience not only for us but also for next generation in future.