TOEFL® essay: When people move to another country, some of them decide...

[Sfxsfx]

TOPIC: WHEN PEOPLE MOVE TO ANOTHER COUNTRY, SOME OF THEM DECIDE TO FOLLOW THE CUSTOMS OF THE NEW COUNTRY. OTHERS PREFER TO KEEP THEIR OWN CUSTOMS. COMPARE THESE TWO CHOICES. WHICH ONE DO YOU PREFER?

When people move to the other country, they always want to keep their customs. However, I disagree with that because if people do that, then they will never able to understand the culture of the other country and never learn new things.

I came to New York when I was in middle school. In order to keep my own customs during that time, I spoke and read Chinese everyday. I did that because I wanted to show other people that this is my culture and language. I did not speak or read English. Therefore, I failed most of my classes because I did not even how to read the text book. I felt so bad because people laughed at me like crazy. Then, I knew that I should do something. In order to improve my grades, I should give up my customs. I should use more time to speak and read English. Therefore, I stopped reading and speaking Chinese. I watched English news and read English newspaper every day. When my English got better, then I did not fail my classes anymore. My personal experience demonstrates that if people do not give up their language, then people can never learn a new language.


When people get something new, they also have to lose something. If people do not give up their own customs, then they will never be able to understand the new culture and the new country. I gave up my customs and language, then I became successful in this country. Therefore, I prefer that people should not keep their own customs.

TOEFL listening lectures: What is the main danger of obesity?

[Kitosdad]

Sfxsfx, Not bad at all, but you surely could have made more use of conjunctions.
Too many short sentences interrupted the flow of your text.

Kitosdad.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Sfxsfx]

but is that going affect my score?

[Kitosdad]

Good morning Sfxsfx, I don't know really. I was merely pointing out that it was a nice essay which could have been better.

Your writing and spelling are both excellent and your work shows it.

What a pity that you had to give up your customs merely to integrate. You are doing well and I congratulate you.

Kitosdad.
_________________
Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Namcy]

Although some people prefer to practice and follow their own customs even after moving to another country, I believe in being flexible and adapting to the new environment in order to learn new things and blend with different people.

Different countries practice different customs, have different traditions and ideas. I appreciate and like to follow the values and customs of my own country. But, when I move to another country with a totally different cultural background, I would like to know and be aware of the different practices prevalent there. I am also ready to follow the new things, which is a key factor in being successful at a new place. I shall be a person of my own country at home, but when I am outside I am a part of the new country. I cannot stick to my personal customs and beliefs when I am studying or working with the people from different backgrounds. If I do so, I can never learn new things which would adversely affect my knowledge, career and success.

I always like challenges. Blending into the new environment after having stayed in my country for many years is not easy. It takes some time and effort to learn about the new customs, dealing with people from another cultural backgrounds, making friends etc. It is a whole new world and to explore it, the first step is to demonstrate flexibility and willingness to adopt it. As it is rightly said ‘ God helps those who help themselves ‘, one has to help himself by being positive and ready to accept the change in order to progress ahead in life.

All in all, in spite of having faith and belief in my own customs and beliefs, I am ready to change as per the demand in order to learn new things and be successful in a new country.

[Kitosdad]

A bit short, but excellent.

Kitosdad.
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Keep it simple ... Keep it interesting.

[Richard]

Hi everybody.

What can be considered on an appropriate measure to take is remembering this note “Rarely do ignore the tips of sophisticated people.”
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